EPISODE 4: THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE MARRIAGE
Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit,Gbongan,Osun State, Nigeria
THESE ARE THE THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE MARRIAGE:
- YOUR SELF AWARENESS: How well do you know yourself? – You first,
As Pastor talked the other time, I heard him saying: so that you marry the Right person. You don’t marry the Right person, you be the Right person!
Who are you? Because you will attract your kind: if you are a deceiver, you see two (2) persons, the woman or man you marry will be deceitful..
Who are you? – Know yourself, know your Personality.
There is something Core in the Place of Understanding Personality Style in Marriage – If you understand your spouse’s temperament, it will save you a lot of headache.
You will even know if you can marry that person or not. Unlike poles attract! You find a Melancholic person who becomes interested in. Sanguine.
Melancholic people are very calm. They will be in this Meeting, as we are talking since morning, they will not say a word.. And then they are looking at, maybe my Sister that led Praise and Worship.
Because she seems to be very lively, she seems to be a Sanguine, abi? And then Brother that is calm and sitting down says: I like this Sister, she is bold, brave, courageous, and everything!
You now marry finish; let me tell you where the problem now starts: the same brave and boldness he say,; it’s the first problem. Maybe they are in an Outing like this, then she jumps out, and the Husband says, seat down, keep quite! That is where it starts (laugher).
But sincerely, that’s what happens. Because the same thing that attracted you: ‘I love the way she talks, I love her confidence – that’s the first thing! Because you are calm, you are calculative, you are gentle. It’s like ah, you are supposed to be calmed here.
She is not wired to be calmed! And you see, that is why we keep saying…!
For the Lady too, who was attracted to this too. Because you will be attracted to your opposite!, naturally. You will like the fact that somebody can be here, since, and not say anything: ‘This person dey try ooh!’ Because you know you are not like that.
… So you will be like, sometimes, I will learn to keep quiet like this.
But sometimes, that keeping quite will get you offset too: ‘I am talking to you since’. So you sieve these things! And that is why we keep saying that you need to know; because Knowledge is Power!
You need to know your spouse’s temperament. Know your own first. And it is available online now. Many of us have phones.
… Just Google it “Temperament Test”.
Take your own Personality Text, Temperament Test: Know your own Test. So that when you meet a sister you are attracted to, please tell her to also take a Temperament Test – so that you will know her temperament – Okay?
- Another thing that you need to know before choosing is THE VALUES – The BELIEF SYSTEMS and the PURPOSE of that Person.
… The VALUES, BELIEF Systems and the PURPOSE of that person.
That is why a Sister who has a Value that: ‘No Sex before marriage’, is meeting a Brother who says ‘we can do it, sebi you and I have already agreed that we will marry – So we can do It.’
That means your VALUES are not the same.!
And the fact that your Values are not the same, it means that you will have problems later.
Do you know the problem will be?
You will believe that ‘since am married to this man, I should be Faithful.
His believe will be that: I can cheat now? God will still forgive me.
Can you see?
And you will believe, sebi we made a Covenant of Marriage? – Your Values are different!
Let that person go and make the same Covenant with somebody that has a similar Values; if you do not have that Value. Pease Values are important!
Including maybe someone who doesn’t see a big deal in small lie and you, you see a big deal in small lie.
Somebody who doesn’t see a big deal in going Late to a Program; you, you see a big deal in going late!
… All those small, small things; we call it VALUES. If your Values are not the same, you will have challenges later on!
- COMPATIBILITY – IQ Compatibility!
You are a Graduate, you are going to get married to somebody who has not gone to School? You will have challenges. You will have challenges!
And that is why we now have this Drama of Presidents’ Wives that we are talking about: After they have become Big Boss in their Places of Organization: because they are learned, and in the Organization they keep Promoting them.
And the wives that they married, is a woman that is just School Certificate. At the end of the day, they will have to look for a woman that can fit into the category of Place they will be calling them for!
Another Reason with IQ is that, so that when you sit down and you are jesting; you want a Companion to gist with!
I can imagine daddy and mummy are talking now, and they are discussing in the house – about Intellectual Things. You can imagine the flow that will go! Because both of them are Intellectuals!
… Do you get my Point now?
So imagine if it is only daddy that is an Intellectual: he will get frustrated because she won’t understand most of the things – maybe Biblical arguments, or the things that he is talking about! – They will be lost!
And that is where trouble will start; that is where the man will find his Secretary, who is an Intellectual like him: and then they start robbing minds on Politics, robbing minds on this! And then in that way…
IQ is important! If you like somebody, or God has told you that person is your spouse. And the Person is not learned like you – the next thing you should do, is make the Person get to Academics or whatever part.
You need to bring up the Person, if not you will have challenges later on.
EMOTIONAL: Social compatibility is also important! Take note of that.
You come from a family where the are loving; you are just daddy, mummy and their children! The other person comes from a family of daddy and fifteen (15) women! – There will be challenges, okay?
You coming from, the kind of person that….
- You should also pay attention to the FAMILY AND FRIENDS of that person.
You should also check out the past relationship that, that person has had.
Some of us Christians make this mistake of “…Old things have passed away, behold all things have become New”.
… It is SIN that passed away (in the Spiritual realm) not the History of the Person – The History of the Person is still there!
Someone tells you, “a woman gave birth for me, when I was a Teenager”. And he is saying you should marry him. He has a child, and that child is alive! And he is telling you as if ‘you should not marry, it does not matter’.
It MATTERS; you need to know all of these things. And check out about the woman because the Yorubas have a saying: “the one that has a child for someone is no longer a concubine”. She’s the first wife, okay?
Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode @ The Bethel lInstitute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan Osun State Nigeria.
… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!
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