EPISODE 7: MARRIAGE TO UNBELIEVER

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

No problem! One of my Brothers gave us very Powerful example of this Alhaji and his wife that have been living together in peace, abi?

Even, we have a popular one now; Tinubu and his wife, Remi Tinubu. She’s a Senior Pastor in RCCG, we know! And Tinubu is what? (You don’t know Tinubu again?) – Jagaban! Ahmed Tinubu, that’s his name.

Even, do you know that former Lagos State Governor (Babatunde Raji Fashola) is a Muslim. The wife attends Daystar Christian Centre. Yes! – That’s Revd. Sam Adeyemi’s Church.

… So we have them as example;

But I will tell you something: you don’t know them, you are not close to them. Some of them have been privileged to work closely with these people – Come and see their tears!

You see, the point of marriage is that..; it is not Love that keeps a Marriage ooh! This one that we are talking about Love today, me I always laugh when we talk about Love.

Because I tell you, three (3) Years at most (Psychologically I can prove it!) Three (3) Years, at most! For some people it’s one (1) Week. And some, one (1) Month; their eyes have cleared – as in the Love has disappeared, after the Marriage.

The one that last the most is three (3) Years. It has been proven repeatedly; they call it the ‘Honeymoon Phase!’

At that Phase you are still feeling all the Gish, Gish!

After that Phase; because the next Phase we call it ‘Reality Phase!’

From three (3) Years to seven (7) Years; it’s Ok, so I have entered this thing. So this man will not change? So this woman will not change?

From seven (7) Years to twelve (12) Years; we call it the ‘Decision Stage’. Usually that time, people now make decision: whether they want to continue that Marriage or to leave.

And that is why you see a lot of Marriages break up between seven (7) Years, eight (8) Years.

And you will be saying, they have stayed together for ten (10) Years! It is because at that stage, some people now think: Will I be doing this for the next fifty (50) Years of my life?

Go and see those Marriages to people who are not the same Faith, they are not happy!

One of the ways that you pick it out first, is the children: the children begin to struggle about which Religion to belong to.

They don’t know whether they should do daddy’s Religion; they should do mummy’s Religion.

The one that struggles and fight and probably do mummy’s own – he will be one leg in, one leg out!

Am telling you; go and look at them very well. Go and check it out! Go and check it out. So, they will have to struggle in that area.

No 2 Area where they will have struggle, is Values. And remember I told you, ‘Love is not what keeps a Marriage’. what keeps a Marriage is Values!

In fact I usually say this: that the only thing that makes Marriage to last till old age, as in when you see old elderly couples – the only thing that keeping them at that time is their Faith and Belief.

For example, the early morning Bells of those Anglican days; they say they are going to Early Morning Prayer together. Evening Prayer together! The only thing that they discuss at that time is their Faith.

… What keeps couples; what old couples can have in common most of the times is their Faith!

So when you have different Faith, what do you discuss when you are old?

So leave all this Spirituality, let us be real and Practical.

When the Bible was saying “be not unequally yoked with unbelievers:” it’s not because of whether you will make Heaven or not. It does not determine whether you will make Heaven or not; Whether you are married to a Muslim or not! – It’s the pain of disagreement you will encounter!

Recently I was sharing; first time in my life I went to a Muslim Naming Ceremony. You should know why already! Because we have a Brother whose father is an Alfa; he is a Christian, he got Born Again, he married a Christian Lady. Abi?

But you know my Brother there was saying it, that you don’t marry an individual, you marry family, especially in Yoruba. And in the Islamic Religion, when you have a Baby, who names the Baby?

In fact, it is the grandfather that must name the child. And the father is an Alfa (Muslim Clergy); and he brought all his Muslim people. They came into our compound. All of us that were neighbours too, we came out. Abi?

The husband, that is the father of the child did not come out. Because he was trying to prove that, me am not a Muslim, you know. But the wife had to come out. Because she is a mother!

They scrape the Baby’s hair (you know how Muslim do their own); they went with the hair! – That is how they do it as It is their culture.

And you know, this is why we ask people to consider very well before you take that step.

Nobody is saying that Love should not shack you! Love is shacking you; but please wear google – So that you can see beyond NOW, Please!

Extracts from The Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

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