SUNDAY SERVICE WITH DR. TIMI OYEBODE @ RCCG (FOUNTAIN OF LIFE CHAPEL) 34/36, OLUWALOGBON STREET, KETU, LAGOS NIGERIA
TOPIC: CRISIS: HEALING FROM TRAUMA, ABUSE AND ADDICTION
DATE: 20th OCTOBER, 2019
BIBLE TEXT: 2 SAMUEL 13:1-29
Thank You Jesus!
And so Father, we just want to say THANK YOU! Receive our Praises because only You deserves our worship; only You deserve the Honour. And only You deserve the Adoration.
We give it to You this morning, with our hands lifted up; and You have said, if You be lifted up on high, You will draw men to yourself.
Thank You because this is the Season of Migration, as you draw men to yourself ! Thank You for today’s Service – Dominion Service. Thank You because it’s a Season of Dominion; a Season of Victory. Thank You because You are here with us.
Thank You Holy Spirit; we love You so much, Sweet Holy Spirit. And we are Grateful for this Encounter with you. We ask that You will take Preeminence over this Teaching Session.
Even as we go through the the Question and Answer also, You will give us wisdom that supersedes all human understanding; in Jesus’ Name.
We give You all the Honour! In Jesus’ Mighty Name we have Prayed – Amen!
Somebody shout a big Hallelujah! Shout a very big Hallelujah to the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the One who is the Soon Coming King!
Praise the Lord! – Amen.
Please, let’s have our seats in the Presence of God; let’s sit Majestically as children of the Most High God! We are sons and daughters of the Great Father and He is here with us today.
I have often times being called: “The Missionary of Healing”.
The reason basically is because God gave me a mandate, years back – to take His Gospel of Healing to the Church (specifically, to His children).
And at that time, I began to wonder: What really does He mean by HEALING? Is it Physically? And He told me specifically, He said – “EMOTIONAL HEALING”.
When it comes to any area of our life; whether Marital, whether Health, whether Finance, whether Job (workplace), Ministry. Whatever area you are in, God is interested in your Wellness in that area.
I remember a couple of years down; I think precisely 2001/2002, I had a dream. And in that dream, I saw a crowd of people: it was like a Warfront- battle ground.
But this War was holding in a Field, where there are grasses (tall grasses). And I saw, like two (2) opponents firing at each other.
And so when one side dodged, the other side will get up and will fire! And then when they fire, they will go down again; this other side here will get up and fire back!
And I was looking at this Drama for a while in my dream. And then suddenly, I noticed that at some Point, something absurd of them who were getting up…… You know they were dodging; and then they will shoot back at the enemy.
And some of them, as they were getting up; they had something around their head. It was like their head was double. So I moved closer to see, “What was it?” And I noticed that it was actually, children.
As they were dodging from their enemy’s bullets; they picked up kids (children) and hung on their head. And so they are getting up to shoot at their enemies using the children as a shield.
In case their enemies shoot back, who does it hit? – The CHILDREN!
… DO you understand?
So they used the children like a Shield to Protect themselves.
And immediately, in that dream (this was a night dream); I was screaming, I was shouting. I kept saying: If you want to harm yourself, go ahead, but spare these young ones. Leave these children out of your battles.
… But they were not listening!
Obviously, they weren’t even aware that somebody was talking. And I got worked out and emotional about this. But then – I thought I could jump into the middle.
So I thought, jumping into the middle of the battle and screaming will make them hear me. But still, they didn’t hear me; the bullets were going on, by passing me.
Then I realised that, for real, they didn’t even see me, nor hear me. And at that point, someone dragged my hand; and this person took me from the battle field. And on and on I was lamenting to this person that: “What is going on?” He said: it’s a battle!
‘Yes I know However, why do the young ones have to be involved in this battle?’ And he said to me: you cannot stop the Battle nor the manner in which the warriors fight their wars. But this is what you can do;
“Anyone wounded in that Battle, you go and take that wounded person, take them to this Place I’m showing you and get their wounds healed.”
And in that dream, He led me to a flowing River and He showed me.
He said: “Take the water from this River and wash the blood off that wounded person.”
And there was a tree just by that River, He said: “Plug the leaves, He showed me the leaves, He said – squeeze the water on the leaf, on the wound of the injured ones and they would be healed”.
And I don’t know the exact date, but I remembered, I had that dream, it was 2001/2002.
It has has been a long time. But as the year comes on and on, the clarity of that dream became clearer and clearer.
My Vision, my Assignment and the Purpose why am here with you this morning is because: some of us are those children, at some point or the other used as a bait or defence on the battlefield. We have been wounded, we have been injured. And right now, you are even crying, and we are as good as helpless.
But the Lord has heard your cry; He has sent me down to let you know that He is still God. And that He was there in that battle. Whatever battle your life had to go through; He says, He is still God! He has been there, and He is still there! And He wants to heal you.
… But you need to allow Him!
Talking about Battles, talking about wounds; but what is my interest is ‘Trauma!’ And over the years, I have had to explain repeatedly that –"TRAUMA refers to an inner wound; a wound that buries itself deep in our consciousness". @timioyebode Click To Tweet
In fact, some of us were traumatized; like when we didn’t know. Because peradventure it happened to you when you were a child.
And most of this Inner wound that we face itself, now as adults: actually happened to us when we were quite young; when we didn’t have control over what was happening.
… When the “Adults” in your life (at that time) were using you as a defence!
… Trauma is inner wounds, inner wounds – DEEP wounds!
You are the only one that knows those days, that you would sit up in your room and you don’t know who to talk to; but you are just crying.
And anybody sees you outside later; Sister so, so and so, how are you? I am fine! Oh, Brother this, how are you? Oh, am great!
.. But you know deep down, you are not fine. You know deep down, you are not great!
The inner wounds that has no comparison; because you can’t even compare it to anything tangible. You are the one that knows it.
… And that is what we call “TRAUMA”.
While what we call “ABUSE” is when we are misused.
… Unfortunately, many of us have been misused.
Am going to show you all of these, I am talking about, from the Scriptures so that it won’t be, oh! She’s just talking!
But it’s amazing what could have happened in our lifetime, based on other People’s decision; based on things we saw. And we have to live and walk with the repercussion from it.
And you know what, also? Because it’s amazing! And this is one of the reasons I appreciate the Church; every time I have to step and stand on the Altar of God and talk. Every Church that is opened to let us talk about Addiction and the struggle of Members.
Because the reality is that it is sad the way we see Christians struggle with these things: that we think should be with the world, but they are there in the Church!
How many of us have seen the video or heard about the Pastor who was sleeping with another Person’s wife? How many of us? – Oh! Many of us did. Interesting!
Even if you didn’t see that one, you probably have heard of some other things. Worse things that you probably wouldn’t want to talk about.
You probably have heard; oh there is this Person, oh the things he did are so terrible, you won’t believe he is a Christian – Yes or No?
But then, you wonder sometimes if this Person is a Believer. If this Person is a Believer (in any capacity) then why are they doing these things?
What makes them not to have Power over their body to be able to say NO?
What makes it so difficult for us to be able to trade off some of these our Personal struggles – which we call- “ADDICTION?”
To drain up your lusting for masturbation; what makes it difficult for you to stop and STOP?
What makes it difficult for you not to tell lies anymore? What makes it so difficult for you to look at that Boy; to look at that Lady, and take your eyes off?
What makes it importantly, that you need to do sex every other day – every single day?
Sometimes you don’t want to do it; but you just find yourself keep doing it – as if it is a marathon. It is ADDICTION!
Usually, the way it plays out is this: when you have been wounded, possibly as a child (sometimes). However, we have some trauma that comes in as an Adult!
For example, if you enter into a wrong marriage or you have a terrible experience at work. You have this kind of Boss that just keeps looking down on you. You have situations around you that you just can’t control.
… It will give you TRAUMA, even as Adult!
Also, experiences that give TRAUMA include: Accidents (things that you didn’t plan for). Okay? Unexpected painful or shocking experiences give you TRAUMA.
What am saying is: there is a circle of whatever struggle of Addiction that you are going through. And that circle goes this way; from Trauma (which could be by Abuse or painful/shocking experiences) to Addiction (based on to the fact that the Nobody would stay in the Place of pain for so long! When you are uncomfortable, you will likely look for something to ease that pain off. And usually, that thing you look for (to ease off) – that is ADDICTION!
For example your loins; oh! It’s burning seriously – the erection is so much! The only thing for you to do at that moment is to have sex with someone.
When you do that, that becomes like ‘Ease off”; a relieve to that pain!
Continuously doing of that behaviour is what we call – ADDICTION. That behaviour itself was meant to help you suppress a thing!
And it is amazing how many times we have struggled as Christians with some of these behaviours. But we can’t even speak about it.
And am going to show you in the Scriptures:
2 SAMUEL 13: 1-29
If you are with your Bible, please open with me. Because we are going to do a quick study. It is a story that we are all familiar with:
… The Story of TAMAR AND AMNON.
You know the Story? Okay! Well, I want to look at the story from another angle today.
I believe that, so far what you have always heard about that story was on a brother who raped his sister (his half sister). Right? – Okay!
And this Boy must be a very terrible Bad Boy. Yes! And of course, Tamar was a victim; right?
But this is what am going to show you this morning; the fact that Tamar wasn’t the only VICTIM in that story!
… There were so many VICTIMS in that story; including Amnon himself!
So 2 SAMUEL 13:1-29 (PLEASE READ).
Keep this information, “AFTER THIS…” Some other Translation says, “After a while”.
That means that before Amnon, before this story; and if you go ahead to check the other story, you will see that it is the story of David and Bathseba (you remember the story?) That happened before this Chapter.
So the Bible is telling us that after David and Bathsheba’s incident had happened; this then happened!
Also Absalom – if you are a good Bible Student; you probably would have read that Absalom was a very handsome young man. Okay?
In fact, history says: at a time, he was the most handsome!
Now, it is not surprising, his sister (Tamar) was beautiful, too – You get it now?
And possibly, if he was very handsome, you can imagine how the sister would look, she would have been amazing. Because, imagine Absalom was a woman; they called him the most handsome man! It tells you Tamar must had been a very beautiful sister.
… But then, something goes wrong!
Am going to pick some points specifically and I will want you to take note of those words.
AMNON, the son of David; TAMAR, the daughter of David. They were siblings! But (of course, they were not of the same mother) – they were half siblings!
… But they were still of the same Blood relation.
If you go to Leviticus 18; you will see how God gave them instructions about sexual relationships; especially among family members.
And one of the strong ones that came out was: “Never sleep with your father’s daughter or your father’s son”.
In fact, the repercussion was that, that Person should be cast out or the Person could even be killed.
But Amnon had this “LOVE”; now look at that word ‘Love!” They could have written for us that Amnon “LUSTED” after her. But it wasn’t written that way – They said, Amnon “LOVED” her.
… Are you getting my POINT? He “LOVED” her!
Meaning that some times, if you look at this word; when we talk about falling in love, and situations that happen to us about the feelings of love.
You hear so many people say: I just have this feeling for her; or I just have this feeling for him!
It wasn’t something Planned. Falling in love is not something Planned; it just happens! – Right?
You don’t just wake up in a day and say: this is what happens – see, am going to just fall in love today. You just meet somebody and the Chemistry happens!
And then you say: Yes! I fell in love. And then by the end of the day, you are at home and you are smiling to yourself on your bed.
Unfortunately, if you look at it very well: You and I that are here today, ask yourself – “how many times have you fallen in love with the wrong Person?”
Oh! Is it the first Person you fell in love with (in your life) that you married? – Ask yourself!
Because I want you to put yourself, and begin to see how Amnon (the way that guy really was): he fell in love with the wrong Person – he had serious strong feelings!
And this is one of the reasons I always say: When I talk to Teenagers and Young People, I always tell them: “The DANGERS of Falling in Love”.
… Because this is an encounter that you cannot actually control.
But Amnon fell in LOVE! And what did he do? The Bible says he was so distressed. He was so longing for her that he became sick!
Now, because she was a Virgin! Obviously, Amnon before that time has been having sexual relationships. Obviously, that wasn’t his first time with a woman.
But this was particularly difficult; because she was a Virgin! There were so many conditions that were making it a bit more difficult.
… But when the Bible told us again, it said: “Amnon fell sick”.
Now this is what I say; and when I explain it to People, I ask you: “When you are down with Physical malaria – when you feel distress in your body, what happens to you?”
Are you the one that controls the fever? Are you the one that controls the fact that your hand cannot move? Are you the one that controls the fact that at that moment, your legs cannot move?
The same way we fall sick Physically, the same way we fall sick Emotionally.
If you can feel distressed in your Physical body; to the point that you cannot control what is going on Physically; the same way you can feel distressed Mentally!
… The same way you can get to that point Amnon got to!
Amnon got sick Emotionally; Amnon put himself in a situation that weakened him. He couldn’t control it!
And many times we find ourselves putting up with such situations – circumstances you can’t control. And your Emotions are dead sick!
AND WHAT HAPPENED TO AMNON NEXT?
The Bible said, he was so sick that it was so critical!
Some of us, the sickness we have been struggling with, is so critical that the hospital you have been going to, and Doctors, cannot find anything.
You have been going to them yesterday; and today you are also going to the hospital. Because what is wrong with you is not Physical.
What is wrong with you is an EMOTIONAL Pain! And you need to get Mental strength; the same way we get Physical strength – to be able to deal with that pain.
So they went on; Jonadab (who was his cousin) – Jonadab was not only Amnon’s cousin; Jonadab was also Tamar’s cousin – Remember?
You remember the Story? Because we are told that he is Amnon cousin. Remember, Amnon’s cousin, was also Tamar’s cousin. He was a strong man, crafty; almost like a snake. And he was quick to see!
Now, this is where the problem lies; especially when we have EMOTIONAL challenges.
It is always painful that People who are of the same Faith; People who are right thinking; People who are good in their heart: they don’t see our pain.
… I hope you understand!
Now, you can’t even understand why somebody who is in the Church; who is growing and then suddenly has some Emotional issues.
And then People of the world are the ones helping them; when People of the same Faith do not!
Am sure Jonadab was not the only cousin that Amnon had!
Remember this; Amnon was the first son of David. He was the Crown Prince. He was the guy that was going to become King, after David – if all had done well.
Probably you have not read that part of the Story. Oh! He had everything in his command; everything! He had everything! Am sure he had several friends, too.
But the bad ones were the ones that came to check on him; and said ‘you are looking so down – oh! You are looking so distress’.
Probably the Good ones just saw him and moved away: and he told this guy his problem!
“Nobody will enter into your mind to know what you are going through, except you speak out!”
So Amnon has told Jonadab, he had said it out – Oh, I have this longing, ‘I LOVE’ Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.
And then Jonadab was saying to him; “Lay thee down on thy bed, and make thyself sick: and when thy father cometh to see thee, say unto him, I Pray thee, let my sister Tamar come, and give me meat, and dress the meat in my sight, that I may see it, and eat it at her hand.”
… I always emphasis the Power of our Sight!
When Tamar sat there baking this cake for her brother; the brother sat down (remember that he was not sick – he was pretending to be ill).
So he sat down on the bed watching her; admiring her. Looking DEEP (Visual Pornography)! Taking time and looking, watching, nodding. The desire keeps lingering.
When you are in a stage of Mental or Emotional distress, the worst thing you can do for yourself again is to go Visual.
The more you see, the stronger your struggles will come. The more you see!
And so, Amnon had sat there waiting! For people who make cake, you probably will know how long it will take that girl to have baked that cake that day! And she was there baking it.
And after she was done, she kept feeding him. The guy said: No, No, No! I don’t want to eat. She kept pleading and begged. And then he said: if you want me to eat, let everybody step out!
You know she was a Princess, also! So she had servants; she had People who were on her Service.
Everybody stepped out! Now, this is where you see the servants also as victims.
“The Place of accountability is the Place of you being responsible to other People; being able to give account of yourself and for others”.
Well, in any way, Amnon, a Crown Prince. And at that time, nobody would have contended with him. And Amnon had asked that they should step out. They stepped out.
And he had drawn his sister to himself, and has struggled with her. And the sister had begged him, had said to him: oh No! Don’t do this; you are my brother!
Oh, No! You know how many times your mind has struggled with the fact that you know you shouldn’t do something.
But you kept on struggling; But the force was just too strong for you to stop.
Don’t do this, you are my brother! Oh what will the world say? Oh, you are going to bring shame to me! She said, have Mercy upon me. She even went further to say, what will People say about you? They will call you a fool! They will say so many things about you!
But that time, the guy was sick. The guy was Mentally sick! And so he couldn’t reason properly anymore!
… And that is what am telling you: That Amnon was a VICTIM there too!
And I will tell you what made Amnon a Victim also! Because his father (king David just two (2) chapters before had seen a woman (Bathsheba) grabbed her; took her, possess her. He was a full grown man!
What happened? There was this young son Amnon, who witnessed his father’s taking of a woman with his power; and this is what I say to Parent, that sometimes you do things (your children see) and you say ‘it doesn’t matter. They are watching you!
And so it’s not surprising that Amnon could take, possess what does not rightly belong to him. Because his father just did!
This same reason is why I usually do a ‘Family Tree tracing’ for issues people bring into Counselling… the principle of family of origin, is to trace family history or pattern with regards to the problem.
Is there any other Person in your family who had this struggle? Is there any other Person in your family who had had these challenges?
Lo and behold they start thinking: Yes! Actually, my Dad had an affair. Yes! My Mum had an affair.
… And you wonder why you are struggling sexually?
There is an history!
You saw it as a child. And when you saw it as a child; remember that dream I said I had. The impact of your childhood is liviing you out even as an adult. Bright out your life!
But then, let us simply go on; so that we go into the Core again.
Amnon had done what he wanted to do – he had raped her! And I say to us at some point, that there were some People in the room there he had asked them to excuse, Right?
One of the servants, probably Amnon’s bodyguard or his own PA, could have said something to him. As the event was presenting itself, obviously you should know probably that those servants knew what Amnon want to do. Do you agree?
You don’t take a Princess, you don’t stay alone with a Princess in a room. It’s not done (at that time). And you have asked her to Cook for you, she has done the cooking. And then you are saying to everybody ‘please step out!’
Many times, we also have experienced that. You know of a young girl in your neighbourhood.
… Am speaking to adults and parents now!
You know of somebody, and they are saying ‘that girl is just wayward!’
Oh! You know that even the guy calling this girl to come over; you know what they want to do. But you just carry your eyes away!
Oh, many times I have asked many guys; oh were you ever aware of a lady who was raped? And then I get this answer: oh No! Maybe after it has happened.
But the truth is this, sometimes I have gotten this kind of answers too; that, yes! We saw her, but she is not my business.
Probably there were People in your life too, that acted as if ‘it’s not their business’; and they left! They didn’t help you.
Imagine if one of them had stood up for Tamar at that time. Even if they could not help her (they couldn’t beat up the Prince). You know of course, saying NO to a Prince is more like death, as at that time!
But, they could have done something, when he told them to step out. Even Tamar’s servant, they could have run to call for help. But they all did as if they didn’t know what was going on.
Sometimes when you think you are helpless (you can’t help somebody else); you can still do something!
That is why like I said, this Topic we are having this morning concerns us all. Everybody should pick their own. Whatever it is God is speaking to you in this area, this morning: pay attention to it!
And so, he had raped her. And immediately after, in 2 Samuel 13:15 – “Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.”
Sometimes, the PAIN of the Abuse is so painful that you are even upset with yourself for what you have done. But rather than stop it, you do more than you had bargained for.
I keep saying, that when you use a lie; a Lie covers another lie; one wrong covers another wrong. Until you are able to sincerely look at yourself and say: No! What I did was wrong. Then, you will get help.
Until you are truthful to yourself, then help will come your way.
But then, this has gone on! So she had said to him: “you know this evil of sending me away is worst than what you have even done to me”.
But he could not listen to her! He called his servants who attend to him. That means he could call them; that’s what I just told us now. That means probably the servants were just behind the door.
So they heard the noise! They heard how Tamar was screaming and shouting. Because if he could just stay in the room and say, Come! And they heard him (and they responded).
And he said to them “take this woman out of here!” And lock the door behind her.
Of course, they did that! And of course, Tamar had left. But this Guy, who thinks he is ok; and I have to tell you this morning, that he was also a Victim, for the fact that he had Mental illness. Beyond that also, the fact that he had foundational issues!
Witnessing his father taking over another woman that wasn’t his! And so he was repeating a CIRCLE of Family Abuse!
And indeed, it didn’t stop there! If you go down with the story, you will see that Tamar left, screaming and crying, and going out. She tore her clothes; she was ready to say to the whole World, “this is what have happened to me”.
She had probably met her brother, Absalom. And told him what has happened to her. And Absalom has said to her: you know what, keep quiet.
The same way we have People told us to keep quiet about Pains! The same way we have heard people say; don’t talk, don’t say it out!
He had said to her “keep quiet”. But the Bible said it; if you check 2 Samuel 13:21; “But when king David heard of all these things, he was very wroth.”
The only thing he did about it is that he was angry. He didn’t do anything about it!
Sometimes we expect that people should act for you, but they failed you. David didn’t do anything!
If you are a father, can you as a father, hear your daughter being raped. Will you fold your hands? Will you just sit down? And it is not just rape!
That Generation is different from our own. At that time, a young Lady who is raped; who is not a virgin, can never be married. And that is why if you check the next verse, it says:
“So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house.”
It means that she was still in the King’s Arena (that’s a Place for women) permanently for the rest of her life; without a child, and without a husband.
This is something someone has done to your daughter. We would expect that you would at least react. Yes! He was angry. The Bible told us he was angry, yet, he didn’t do anything about it.
Amnon was a son he so much loved, remember?
How people have failed you too? I don’t know how many people you have looked up to, to fight for you. Instead, they didn’t do that.
I don’t know what is it that you have looked up to, but didn’t have. But whatever fall on this path;I have come to say to you, this would have done deep wounds in your heart – the same way it did for Amnon and Tamar.
As I go on with the rest of the Story; we see Absalom plotting in his heart to deal with his brother (Amnon). And he had gone on ahead, to deal with his brother.
Absalom also became a victim of that situation.
And that is what I always say to us: every time there is a bit of an issue or perversion; you are not the only one that’s suffering!
That same thing you are doing, and you feel that you are having fun at that moment; a lot of other People are suffering for it! Your children are suffering, your wife, your husband, your siblings!
Absalom suffered for this event, greatly. Because; Absalom was a handsome youthful man, who probably would have become a King.
Even when you make a decision; so imagine now, their mother had three (3) children. That is what the Bible recorded. She had Absalom, Tamar and the other guy!
The first son, who was the handsome one, became a murderer; because Absalom killed his brother. And as a Murderer he had to run a way from the Town.
That was why he was not in Town for a long time – for about three (3) years! He lost his Position, he lost his Power, because of what happened.
And yet I am saying to you: that all of these would have been prevented, if David their father had lived a Presentable lifestyle to show them.
I have not come to make any excuse for anybody. I have not come to say to you that: Oh! Whatever it is you are doing, that People led you into it.
*But I have come to say to you that the error Amnon made was the fact that
1)He saw pervasion with his father
2)He did not talk to the right person
Amnon did not get help for his lust or desire – that is strong Desire he was struggling with.
… Amnon could not get help; he allowed his Pride, and that led to his destruction.
And this is why I have come to say to you – I don’t know what your own journey is; I had my own fair share of journey, too!
And I have always said this; I will let you know that our JOURNEYS differ! But there is only one major thing, the enemy has made many of us to hear often- that yours is worse!
And he has focused from your childhood to attack you; trying to make sure that he succeeds. Trying to make sure that you will have behavioral challenges.
Oh, he made you that person who is always angry; every little thing, you get angry. You are like a time bomb – that he has just prepared you and put that habit inside of you.
But now that habit come on you suddenly; so many things went wrong!
Now, you can correct them; now you can take life afresh; now you can begin to say: “let me take back my life”.
I made that decision, and that is why am standing in front of you today. I probably would not be here, if I didn’t make that decision. I was abused at the age of seven (7) as a young child, in my parent’s house – My parents were Ministers (Pastors).
And of course, many of my Abusers; because that was the beginning of Abuse that went on and on! And many of them were also People of the Faith. And of course it got to a point, I made a decision that it wasn’t possible anymore!
I didn’t want to be a Christian, I didn’t want to live this FAKE life. I didn’t want to be just like them because I felt it was so fake! And so I left the Church. I left, and I began to do my own stuff.
When I say I left the Church; I mean I left the Faith. But I was still attending Church (years back) you get me? Like many of us do. And I went, seating for Sunday Services. And sometimes even the Person Ministering, you are just doing like this: “Abeg finish, let us go!”.
And then, when you are gone, you go back to your old lifestyles; because your Path is not connecting anymore! That was my state for several years.
But at some point, I even began to try other Religion. What was I looking for? INNER PEACE and Healing for my Inner Wounds.
Some of us do same! Of course, mine went on and gravitated to behavioral challenges that even my parents were not aware of. Oh, Sexual Problem: Big Time!
But at some point, I knew it was either I find help or I Self Destroy! What that means is that, the way in which you are going: it is either you get help or you destroy yourself.
And let me say this to you; because it is not about you! Maybe you think you are so important. Oh No! It is not about you; it is about Generations that are supposed to come out of you.
Because when you Self Destroy, your children will also Self Destroy! And the Circle keeps on going like that.
Oh! You just have this longing; you just feel like you cannot help it. Go check that! You will Excel, be a mighty man in so many things. And yet your Joy is gone; your Peace is gone!
I told someone recently, I said three (3) things the devil take away from you with Sexual struggles, in particular are:
- Your peace- it takes away your Sanity – Your Peace. You keep having a constant fear of being discovered.
- Your health- It takes away your Health. Oh! Maybe you don’t know that some of the challenges you have health wise goes down to sexual intercourse you had.
3.Your Wealth- that’s the 3rd thing, he takes from you. You keep spending so much to maintain or access this behavior
A recent research in 2019 told us that every man a woman sleeps with; he drops his DNA inside of her. And as the DNA drops at the back of the ear, behind the eyes, behind the nose, and it goes on to the bloodstream.
… Every single man, you ever had sex with!
Oh, some people have said: Oh! It is all these Spiritual People that come up with their own gimmicks to scare people!
I didn’t come up with this! It’s a proven research work.
I went through my own struggles Until He in His Mercy decided to have Mercy on me.
And it is the same I have brought His Mercy to you today. Because there are issues; there are challenges really!
But I have come to say to you, that you can make a decision. You don’t have to be, and end like Amnon. Amnon had challenges – Amnon had seen his father does it! Amnon had longings! Amnon also had a choice… but he chose wrong!
We have longings, we have desires; but we CAN BE IN CONTROL!
And these are the QUICK NINE (9) RECOVERY STEPS I usually recommend, everywhere.
I call it: BIBLICAL STEPS TO RECOVERY:
- ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ARE WOUNDED:
Say it to somebody; the Bible says: “Confess your sins one to another”. You need to say it to somebody:
ABUSE thrives in Secrecy! Behavioral Struggles thrives in secrecy!
There is a Book I wrote; you can get it Online or even YouTube. Called: “SEX – EYES WIDE SHUT”. It is all about sexual struggles. Am talking about how Christians can be able to overcome these things.
But you need to first of all acknowledge that you are wounded. See! No one will help you, if you don’t say ‘I am down, Come and help me!’
If you keep falling, keep behaving like you are okay; they give you responsibilities in Church and you are still mounting the Altar. And you are still Preaching and doing all sought. Everybody thinks you are fine!
But you need to acknowledge first that you are not fine – something is wrong!
- TRACE THE SOURCE OF YOUR PAIN:
The source of your Trauma; where did it start from? I just told you that of Amnon; his struggles started from his father.
TRACE yours on what you are going through. Yours might not even be sexual. Yours might be Anger problem. Trace it: who else has that Anger History in your family.
Oh maybe yours could be alcohol; TRACE it! Did you live with somebody who was an Alcoholic?
Oh, maybe yours is even Beating your Wife. Oh, or yours is disobedience. Always quarrelling with your Husband. TRACE it!
Healing starts from you! You probably learnt it somewhere!
- SEEK COUNSELLING; SEEK HELP!
I explain oftentimes that the Place of Professional Counselling is just a Place where you have your Body, your Spirit and your Soul.
Your Body is been attended to by Medical Doctors; Your Spirit is been attended to by Pastors; Your Soul (that is your Mind); the Place of your emotions oftentimes is neglected. Because you think you can MANAGE by yourself.
Professional Counsellors help out! Some have been concerned about going to Psychologists who are not Christians. But there are many now, Professional Counsellors who are Christians; who would guide you, using Scriptures.
Or even if they don’t go Biblical with you; they use Principles that are Scriptural. You understand what I mean! They are not going to be opening Bible for you, but they are going to Guide you and help your through Recovery.
… But you need to SEEK HELP!
So a lot of time when we are saying: you don’t know what we are going through; I don’t know where to run to. Now, there is HELP AVAILABLE!
- KNOW YOUR PERSONAL TRIGGERS:
What are the things you see, that spurs you up? Amnon’s Trigger was his sight. And he sat there, sitting down watching the woman. Is Pornography your own Trigger?
What is your Trigger? Is it sight? Is it Sound! Some of us, is what you hear! And that is why I keep saying that as Believers, you need to watch what you listen to: the Music you listen to; the Jokes, you listen to.
Smell! For some of us, it is Smell – odour. You just perceived something and you will be sick. I mean having to work with those Addiction Clients – those who usually are faced with one form of Addiction and all of that. One of the strong addictions that work for them is Smell.
In recent times, you must probably have heard of how People are using their urine; using all sorts, as an Addictive Measures. Smell!
So find out yours! There was a time I found myself addicted, a kind of to Garlic. I used the sense Principle to check that; where is it coming from? I just had to chew Garlic! But then I realized there was a time I had to stay in a Place where there were loads of odour. And perceiving that strongly, overtime, gave me a strong craving for searching it out!
… If you TRACE it; you will FIND it!
We cannot deal with a problem on surface; It has a root! Do you get my point?
- COMMIT TO JOURNALING:
Also, the Bible says in Isaiah 30:8; it says: “WRITE DOWN”.
There is a Principle of writing. If you put down your journey of struggles and whatever emotional thing you are going through down; you will discovered that you will recover faster and better!
… WRITE it down!
- IDENTIFY YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND SELF SABOTAGING STATEMENTS:
You are not your struggle! Stop saying ‘I am an angry man!’ You are not your struggle! Oh, ‘I can’t do without women’. You are not your struggle! STOP calling yourself what you are not!
It is just like when we say to you; you don’t have to say ‘I am sick!’ Do not possess; do not take it. Oh, rather; that is why I often use this word; I recommend it to my Client to rather say:
“I struggle with taking drugs; marijuana”.
Don’t tell me ‘Am a drug addict’.
Do you understand what am saying?
“I struggle with: Lust, Formication”; don’t say to me ‘I fornicate’. You are NOT that behaviour! So check out your own negative thoughts. Track your thoughts!
I usually explain also by saying; “Think about what you are thinking about!” If you find yourself thinking about something, can you take a minute to ponder about that thing you are thinking about?
… So that you will be sure that you are thinking in the right lines you really want to think!
Remember I told us about Jonadab (the bad friend). Who are your friends? Who are your Accountability Partners?
I have a young boy who is struggling with Drug Addiction. Okay? And in recent time he was working really; his recovery was amazing!
You know why? Because he kept saying: ‘Now we are getting better (repeatedly); I have gone a Month without it. I have done this! And then he is about resume back to School.
And then he ran back to me and said: Doctor, Ma, am afraid to go to School. And I said ‘what is the problem?’ And he said; because in School, all my friends take it! And so, because all my friends take it, am not sure I will be able to continue this journey of Recovery!
Accountability! Who are the people around you? Who do you report yourself to? Who do you tell your struggle?
Remember, you keep it underneath to yourself; you are going to still feel hurt. But then, it hurts more, if you tell the Wrong Person!
So you need to find the right Person to begin to use as your Accountability Partner.
- FORGIVE YOURSELF!
Some of us have struggled with things that you can’t fix. You say, Oh, if I have not made this mistake, if I had not made this decision. You blame yourself! Must of you do.
Because if you don’t forgive yourself, it becomes difficult to move on.
Forgive your Abusers: the People who didn’t do what they were supposed to do for you – Just like the servants or bystanders of Tamar. People who were supposed to come and rescue her; but they didn’t rescue her!
People that were supposed to support you, that didn’t do. The role that your father played in your life; that you know that if not for my father, well, I would have been a better Person today.
Let Go! He didn’t know at that moment. He didn’t know better. If he had known at that moment that what he did would make you a terrible person; he probably wouldn’t have done it. But he didn’t know better!
Maybe that was the best level of parenting that he had. You need to let go!
Oh! You felt your mother abandoned you and left you alone! And that is why your life didn’t go well. That is why you are in this struggles; that is why things changed for you – It is time you let her go.
Because the more you hold on to these People that hurt you, or maybe People who didn’t do what they were supposed to do in your life; the more you are holding yourself down.
And of course, FORGIVE GOD!
A lot of you might be in my category; for many years that I held God in grudges, I kept saying: He doesn’t like me.
I believed so much that God didn’t like me. And I kept saying it. “You don’t like me, me too, I don’t like You!” And so, we were leaving as far apart.
Why? Because I kept thinking: Where was God when I needed Him? Oh! I remember several nights I will Pray in my room, I will sit down, I would I Pray; I would say, God if You just exist, make sure this man does not come tonight.
I would do so many things; I would beg. But No! He comes over! And of course, he was full of the Word, he would quote Scriptures. But God seem not to listen to me at that time.
… And so I decided, He was my enemy!
In fact, I usually use that Scriptures that says “Jacob I love, Esau I hate”. So I used to say, I believe God chose some People already, He hated some. And obviously, I am one of them.
But I didn’t know, that our Father is ever loving; just always waiting.
And that brings us to the last point: Everything He allow us go through is for a Purpose.
- USE YOUR PAIN FOR A PURPOSE
Everything! If God allowed you to go through a difficult childhood, when you were hungry, when your parents didn’t care for you. Ordinary school, you couldn’t even meet up. Ordinary WAEC, they couldn’t pay! In fact, they couldn’t help you. There is a PURPOSE.
If God allowed you to be raped; oh, you were abused, oh you were a victim. Whatever it is; it’s crazy. It sounds so crazy; but the truth is – there is a reason why it happened!
And when you find a Reason for your Pain; you have conquered that Pain!
But I found the reason of my Pain; for the issues I went through for several years of my life.
But sincerely, when you master your Pain, and you think about why God allowed it. This is what I keep telling my Clients. Even if you are still cracking your head, why did God make me go through all these?
I have been jobless for a long time, oh my children are not even in school. Why am I experiencing all these? And then somebody is saying to me this morning:
Why am I experiencing all these? My parents did not pay my school fees. Am in the University, the Lecturer wants to sleep with me. One man wants to sleep with me. Why am I experiencing all these?
The reason you are going through all of that, use this morning and find out all of that. But there is always one Universal reason: everyone of us, especially those who are of the household of God.
God wants you to use that same event for someone else! It’s never about you! You are even blessed; it is even an honour that He chose you to go through that Path.
Jesus had to go through the Cross; but it’s never about Jesus. It was for the Salvation of you and I.
Your PAIN, whatever you are going through, it is not because of you; it is because of somebody else. And you need to go through that thing, so that you will find out much later,
And when you have found that Person after all, you can say to that Person: if I have gone through this, you are not going to go through it also.
You find out that people who are giving out Scholars now had problems with School Fees. They made up their mind they are going to help People go are going through the same thing.
Whatever your own struggle is, if it is sexual, you are going through that is ,for a Purpose… discover your pain’s purpose and use it.
Now, you have discovered your Purpose; reach out to others. Say am going to talk to young Boys about masturbation. Am going to talk to young Boys about lust.
The more you do it, the more you CONQUER – Hallelujah!
Thank You Lord Jesus!
… What a Great Session with our Counsellor – Dr Timi – A Great Counsellor of People that has experienced Trauma, Abuse, Marriage Counsellor etc.
You will get to be reading a Dedicated Column of Dr Timi’s Messages on our DMC Websites on: www.discoveeymediacrew.com.
Also you can get to invite her to your Churches, Seminars and Conference if you reach out to us @ DMC!
… Discovery Media Crew, Reaching out to the world through the Power of the Gospel!!!
MOSES DURODOLA AND TITILAYOMI AJAYI
© DMC 2019