Category: Meet The Counsellor: Dr Timi Oyebode

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

I had a Client in my office during the week. And he was telling me that his Pastor was Preaching and talking about ‘No Sex before Marriage’. And that all of you are supposed to remain pure.

And that as he was saying it, everybody was laughing in the Church, because even he himself knew that that about 75% of them were having sex.

That is a Natural Thing for Marriage now; as in this our Generation – You see. The other one time is your own; this you will do it…

And I don’t know if I mentioned it the other time I was around; there was a day I was on Radio. I was on a Radio Program I was invited to speak. And I was talking about Sex, and all these!

And one man called, a Pastor. He called and he said, I want to talk to that woman; that Pastor (Mrs) or what is she called. ‘That all the thing you are saying is nonsense’; that in this time and age, all the problems they have seen in Church is so much! That he, in his own Church, he teaches and he preaches that they must go and have sex before the Marriage.

He called us on a National Radio. He said that the problem that people will now get married finished, they will now be having problem – they are not compatible. So let them know: Are you compatible or not? Before we go ahead!

… The teaching of the world!

And I said to Him, I said Sir, I don’t have a problem with you ‘Testing’ (whatever it is you want to test before the Marriage) but here it is: When, the problem of sex happens after Marriage, who bears the prompt of it? You are out away with your family and your wife, the couples starts suffering for it.

Let me tell you a recent 2019 Research; the Research says to us ‘that every man that has sex with a woman, drops a DNA of his, into her genetics

And that is why you see that couples who have been together for a long time, and have sex regularly; after a while, you will see that the woman begins to look like the man: You say, Ah, they look alike, they look like brother and sister, abi?

It is because the man keeps depositing; every time his sperm gets in there, his DNA is getting into her.

Now, imagine every single man what woman has slept with!

So if this man Test, and it’s not working; the next one Test, and it’s not working, the next one Test! By the time the final man will pick her, what will she be left with?

It’s a lot of pressure! And this what I keep saying to every single Sister (it’s not only Sisters ooh!) I have had a brother who was crying like a baby. He said the Sister (they were Courting) and everybody has agreed in the Church. They have Prayed about it!

But that the Sister said that she is used to doing sex before and now she is not feeling…; and he kept saying ‘let’s hold on, God will help us’. Let’s hold on!

She pressurized him – in fact the word I could use is that she ‘Raped’ him!

This Brother we crying, when he was talking to me. He said he shared it with his friend. His friend said he must be a fool for saying ‘a woman raped you’ – you should enjoy it!

He felt bad with his body, because his body responded! Because at some point, even when he was trying to say NO, am not doing. The Lady kept on caressing, you know, pushing him, and all that!

So he felt disappointed that his penis got erected; I had to explain to him ‘Biology will always be Biology’.

… And I will explain that to you also!

Biology will be Biology; and so it doesn’t mean that your heart was there! And the Bible tells us: “God looks at the HEART.”

The Heart; the Heart! And that is one of the core things you will see – because the only Place where you feel loved is inside your heart.

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

No problem! One of my Brothers gave us very Powerful example of this Alhaji and his wife that have been living together in peace, abi?

Even, we have a popular one now; Tinubu and his wife, Remi Tinubu. She’s a Senior Pastor in RCCG, we know! And Tinubu is what? (You don’t know Tinubu again?) – Jagaban! Ahmed Tinubu, that’s his name.

Even, do you know that former Lagos State Governor (Babatunde Raji Fashola) is a Muslim. The wife attends Daystar Christian Centre. Yes! – That’s Revd. Sam Adeyemi’s Church.

… So we have them as example;

But I will tell you something: you don’t know them, you are not close to them. Some of them have been privileged to work closely with these people – Come and see their tears!

You see, the point of marriage is that..; it is not Love that keeps a Marriage ooh! This one that we are talking about Love today, me I always laugh when we talk about Love.

Because I tell you, three (3) Years at most (Psychologically I can prove it!) Three (3) Years, at most! For some people it’s one (1) Week. And some, one (1) Month; their eyes have cleared – as in the Love has disappeared, after the Marriage.

The one that last the most is three (3) Years. It has been proven repeatedly; they call it the ‘Honeymoon Phase!’

At that Phase you are still feeling all the Gish, Gish!

After that Phase; because the next Phase we call it ‘Reality Phase!’

From three (3) Years to seven (7) Years; it’s Ok, so I have entered this thing. So this man will not change? So this woman will not change?

From seven (7) Years to twelve (12) Years; we call it the ‘Decision Stage’. Usually that time, people now make decision: whether they want to continue that Marriage or to leave.

And that is why you see a lot of Marriages break up between seven (7) Years, eight (8) Years.

And you will be saying, they have stayed together for ten (10) Years! It is because at that stage, some people now think: Will I be doing this for the next fifty (50) Years of my life?

Go and see those Marriages to people who are not the same Faith, they are not happy!

One of the ways that you pick it out first, is the children: the children begin to struggle about which Religion to belong to.

They don’t know whether they should do daddy’s Religion; they should do mummy’s Religion.

The one that struggles and fight and probably do mummy’s own – he will be one leg in, one leg out!

Am telling you; go and look at them very well. Go and check it out! Go and check it out. So, they will have to struggle in that area.

No 2 Area where they will have struggle, is Values. And remember I told you, ‘Love is not what keeps a Marriage’. what keeps a Marriage is Values!

In fact I usually say this: that the only thing that makes Marriage to last till old age, as in when you see old elderly couples – the only thing that keeping them at that time is their Faith and Belief.

For example, the early morning Bells of those Anglican days; they say they are going to Early Morning Prayer together. Evening Prayer together! The only thing that they discuss at that time is their Faith.

… What keeps couples; what old couples can have in common most of the times is their Faith!

So when you have different Faith, what do you discuss when you are old?

So leave all this Spirituality, let us be real and Practical.

When the Bible was saying “be not unequally yoked with unbelievers:” it’s not because of whether you will make Heaven or not. It does not determine whether you will make Heaven or not; Whether you are married to a Muslim or not! – It’s the pain of disagreement you will encounter!

Recently I was sharing; first time in my life I went to a Muslim Naming Ceremony. You should know why already! Because we have a Brother whose father is an Alfa; he is a Christian, he got Born Again, he married a Christian Lady. Abi?

But you know my Brother there was saying it, that you don’t marry an individual, you marry family, especially in Yoruba. And in the Islamic Religion, when you have a Baby, who names the Baby?

In fact, it is the grandfather that must name the child. And the father is an Alfa (Muslim Clergy); and he brought all his Muslim people. They came into our compound. All of us that were neighbours too, we came out. Abi?

The husband, that is the father of the child did not come out. Because he was trying to prove that, me am not a Muslim, you know. But the wife had to come out. Because she is a mother!

They scrape the Baby’s hair (you know how Muslim do their own); they went with the hair! – That is how they do it as It is their culture.

And you know, this is why we ask people to consider very well before you take that step.

Nobody is saying that Love should not shack you! Love is shacking you; but please wear google – So that you can see beyond NOW, Please!

Extracts from The Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

The fact that you are beside someone (as a man) you will even feel erection – just because of the way you feel for that person. That is to tell you that you are living.

And this is one of the things I usually tell people; when they ask me about Marital Compatibilities, Sexual compatibility: I say, you are interested in a Sister, all the time your interest: you have been praying (you have been praying, you have been doing everything) – okay?

In the way of the Lord, in Goodness! But all through, there was no day you felt… (you don’t have to touch her). You know, like Pastor was saying it, that by seeing alone!

You didn’t feel any erection, you didn’t FEEL … (Ah, there is problem)! Because Love and Affection; there is a part of it that Naturally, you will FEEL it.

So, it’s Self control that is holding you. Not that you did not feel it!

… Do you understand what am saying?

Not that you did not feel it. So if all the while you don’t feel it – Abeg let us sit down and rearrange. Because one of the things that will help you is – Attraction to that person!

A man was married and was telling me: Actually, she is not my kind of woman.

Ok Sir, tell me your kind of woman? Eh, the one that has hips and boost. And you went to marry a Lepa! Because there is a place of Physical Attraction.

That is why we have the Biological.

The Chemical, is the Emotions (2ce). And the emotion part means there must be an alignment between you and this person!

Your Spirit will draw you to that Person. That is why the person will be at the front.

Peradventure it’s my Brother now, I don’t know if the Sister that is eyeing him is here! But as he is here. And the Sister is at the back, unspoken communication will be going on.

… Do you understand what am saying? Please loosen up now; you are acting too serous. (Laughter)

That must also be there! If that is not there, it’s also a Red Alert.

And of course, the Mental Part! The Mental part is the part where we say ‘Love is a decision’.

You DECIDE to love this person. And when you decide, you say ‘I choose to Love you, WHATEVER it may be, I choose!

And then, when I make that decision, the decision means that I stand by you. It’s not a feeling I fall into. Because if you fall into it, you will fall out of it – Like daddy told us. You fall out!

But when you DECIDE, it’s the decision that makes you say ok, even though I have seen the weaknesses of this person, but I still choose to Love this person – That’s decision!

It’s decision that makes you see the errors and mistakes of the person and you say, because I choose to love you (nitori no feran re ni ooo)!

Or it doesn’t happen that way? It’s because I Love you ooooh!

That’s what decision can do; when it’s not just feeling.

When it is Feeling, the moment that person hurts you, the love will FLY out!

Praise the LORD!

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode @ Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan Osun State Nigeria.

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit,Gbongan,Osun State, Nigeria

Being Single is not a disease; being Single is not a crime. Jesus was Single, we had many Apostles who were Single.

Unfortunately many of us don’t use it well. In the bid that ‘I need to marry (2ce)!’ We forget that, that stage itself, has it’s own virtues.

For example, there is one of my Mentees?(Protégés). Every time she will come and cry to me: Ma, and I would love to follow you. The last time you went to Kano I wanted to follow you. The last time when you went to Abuja and I wanted to follow you.

And the Ticket is free; it’s available! But the thing is, she is married, she has a child, she is still young! (Is she up to twenty five 25?) She is around twenty five (25) Years.

She herself will be saying, that if I was still single (repeatedly).

Can you see? You can’t reverse that! Those are the things that you miss. And some of us, we are still Single, you are not using it!

I used to tell people, my Single age; my husband met me in Ministry (in Campus). Use your singleness well – Get busy; the man, the woman will come. The way they will join you, it will align so well.

But because you are busy first, understand it, this time is limited. Because Singleness is limited, do you know? Worse case, by twenty five (25) to thirty (30); you will be married; maybe for about fifty (50) or sixty (60) Years of your life – It depends on how long you will live.

So you have limited time to be Single, to do serious things for yourself.

We were talking in the car when we were coming, we were talking about our Brother: as a single man had bought a land and built a house, as a single man. Now he got married. Of course, Marriage comes with its own challenges.

Thank God he has has built a house! That is what we were saying in the car. Because now he has some challenges, but he has built a house. But he achieved that when he was single.

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode @ Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan Osun State Nigeria.

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit,Gbongan,Osun State, Nigeria

THESE ARE THE THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE MARRIAGE:

1. YOUR SELF AWARENESS: How well do you know yourself? – You first,

As Pastor talked the other time, I heard him saying: so that you marry the Right person. You don’t marry the Right person, you be the Right person!

Who are you? Because you will attract your kind: if you are a deceiver, you see two (2) persons, the woman or man you marry will be deceitful..

Who are you? – Know yourself, know your Personality.

There is something Core in the Place of Understanding Personality Style in Marriage – If you understand your spouse’s temperament, it will save you a lot of headache.

You will even know if you can marry that person or not. Unlike poles attract! You find a Melancholic person who becomes interested in. Sanguine.

Melancholic people are very calm. They will be in this Meeting, as we are talking since morning, they will not say a word.. And then they are looking at, maybe my Sister that led Praise and Worship.

Because she seems to be very lively, she seems to be a Sanguine, abi? And then Brother that is calm and sitting down says: I like this Sister, she is bold, brave, courageous, and everything!

You now marry finish; let me tell you where the problem now starts: the same brave and boldness he say,; it’s the first problem. Maybe they are in an Outing like this, then she jumps out, and the Husband says, seat down, keep quite! That is where it starts (laugher).

But sincerely, that’s what happens. Because the same thing that attracted you: ‘I love the way she talks, I love her confidence – that’s the first thing! Because you are calm, you are calculative, you are gentle. It’s like ah, you are supposed to be calmed here.

She is not wired to be calmed! And you see, that is why we keep saying…!

For the Lady too, who was attracted to this too. Because you will be attracted to your opposite!, naturally. You will like the fact that somebody can be here, since, and not say anything: ‘This person dey try ooh!’ Because you know you are not like that.

… So you will be like, sometimes, I will learn to keep quiet like this.

But sometimes, that keeping quite will get you offset too: ‘I am talking to you since’. So you sieve these things! And that is why we keep saying that you need to know; because Knowledge is Power!

You need to know your spouse’s temperament. Know your own first. And it is available online now. Many of us have phones.

… Just Google it “Temperament Test”.

Take your own Personality Text, Temperament Test: Know your own Test. So that when you meet a sister you are attracted to, please tell her to also take a Temperament Test – so that you will know her temperament – Okay?

1. Another thing that you need to know before choosing is THE VALUES – The BELIEF SYSTEMS and the PURPOSE of that Person.

… The VALUES, BELIEF Systems and the PURPOSE of that person.

That is why a Sister who has a Value that: ‘No Sex before marriage’, is meeting a Brother who says ‘we can do it, sebi you and I have already agreed that we will marry – So we can do It.’

That means your VALUES are not the same.!

And the fact that your Values are not the same, it means that you will have problems later.

Do you know the problem will be?

You will believe that ‘since am married to this man, I should be Faithful.

His believe will be that: I can cheat now? God will still forgive me.

Can you see?

And you will believe, sebi we made a Covenant of Marriage? – Your Values are different!

Let that person go and make the same Covenant with somebody that has a similar Values; if you do not have that Value. Pease Values are important!

Including maybe someone who doesn’t see a big deal in small lie and you, you see a big deal in small lie.

Somebody who doesn’t see a big deal in going Late to a Program; you, you see a big deal in going late!

… All those small, small things; we call it VALUES. If your Values are not the same, you will have challenges later on!

1. COMPATIBILITY – IQ Compatibility!

You are a Graduate, you are going to get married to somebody who has not gone to School? You will have challenges. You will have challenges!

And that is why we now have this Drama of Presidents’ Wives that we are talking about: After they have become Big Boss in their Places of Organization: because they are learned, and in the Organization they keep Promoting them.

And the wives that they married, is a woman that is just School Certificate. At the end of the day, they will have to look for a woman that can fit into the category of Place they will be calling them for!

Another Reason with IQ is that, so that when you sit down and you are jesting; you want a Companion to gist with!

I can imagine daddy and mummy are talking now, and they are discussing in the house – about Intellectual Things. You can imagine the flow that will go! Because both of them are Intellectuals!

… Do you get my Point now?

So imagine if it is only daddy that is an Intellectual: he will get frustrated because she won’t understand most of the things – maybe Biblical arguments, or the things that he is talking about! – They will be lost!

And that is where trouble will start; that is where the man will find his Secretary, who is an Intellectual like him: and then they start robbing minds on Politics, robbing minds on this! And then in that way…

IQ is important! If you like somebody, or God has told you that person is your spouse. And the Person is not learned like you – the next thing you should do, is make the Person get to Academics or whatever part.

You need to bring up the Person, if not you will have challenges later on.

EMOTIONAL: Social compatibility is also important! Take note of that.

You come from a family where the are loving; you are just daddy, mummy and their children! The other person comes from a family of daddy and fifteen (15) women! – There will be challenges, okay?

You coming from, the kind of person that….

1. You should also pay attention to the FAMILY AND FRIENDS of that person.

You should also check out the past relationship that, that person has had.

Some of us Christians make this mistake of “…Old things have passed away, behold all things have become New”.

… It is SIN that passed away (in the Spiritual realm) not the History of the Person – The History of the Person is still there!

Someone tells you, “a woman gave birth for me, when I was a Teenager”. And he is saying you should marry him. He has a child, and that child is alive! And he is telling you as if ‘you should not marry, it does not matter’.

It MATTERS; you need to know all of these things. And check out about the woman because the Yorubas have a saying: “the one that has a child for someone is no longer a concubine”. She’s the first wife, okay?

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode @ The Bethel lInstitute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan Osun State Nigeria.

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan,Osun State, Nigeria

1. There is no HEAVEN MADE SPOUSE: I think we all know that!

There is no one that is made for me from Heaven because I have miss him, I have missed forever – It’s a LIE. Nothing like that, okay?

2. You should have HEALTH PROFILE done: I don’t know how much of emphasis that is made in this side. But over there (Abroad) it’s a big deal.

Anybody you want to marry, you need to know your Genotype.

I still told someone last week to go and do his Genotype and give me a feedback.

You need to know your Genotype: AS and AS should not marry themselves. AS and SS should not marry.

… So, let’s not over FAITH that part! Go and know it; if you know it and now decide to still marry yourselves;

Sebi, it’s with full knowledge; okay? So, know your Health Profile.

3. Know the FINANCIAL CAPACITY of that person, especially the DEBTS that person has. – All the debts that person owes.

You need to know because when you are married, you will inherit it together.

You need to know how he handles money before: Is this person always asking for money? Always demanding for everything? Because the same approach, you will see after.

A Marital case am handling right now; their own issue was that the husband said he had gone to meet her (when they were courting) that she should lend him some money. So the woman had loaned him fifty thousand Naira (N50,000).

And the wife said, after some months, she had an emergency at home – her younger brother needed to pay some money. And so she turned to her Fiance who borrowed money from her (it was borrow you said, not that I should give you!)

So she had turned to the Fiancée, please the money I lend you, please can you return it?

Do you know that man didn’t forget? That is what the man is using against her in the marriage right now.

… But you gave me money, you collected it back. That was then!

The attitude of the person to money is important. You need to know, Okay?

4. And of course, you need to know the PARENTAL STYLE the person has:

How does this person behave to children? Is this person a lenient person? Is this person a friendly person?

You need to know the Personal Dreams and Accomplishments this Person has.

Is he somebody who desire to become a Professor? And you, you just want to be a Pastor. And you are saying, NO, you have to submit.

You need to know first; and if you can fit in. Because if you can’t fit that person’s desire, you will become a witch or a wizard (if he’s a man). Okay?

So what are we saying?

Of course, you must have INNER WITNESS: There should be something calling to the Deep within you and that person, to know that : this is my spouse; this is somebody I can marry. Or this is someone I shouldn’t even go near to!

And of course (this is the last thing I have here) the last thing for that is KNOW THE BIRTH ORDER of that person;

Birth Order means, what is the position of that person’s birth.

Is the person the first born, a second born or the third born?

Birth Order has a lot to do with our behaviours: the firstborn is Programmed to behave in a very responsible way.

The last child is Programmed to behave in a? You understand (Laugher)!

And now you are the firstborn, you are going to marry a last born. You should know already!

But some of us act as if it doesn’t matter – It does matters!

Or you are the firstborn and you are going to marry an ONLY child.

The way an Only child sees things is different: later you will come with your own brothers and and sisters. And they will say they need this.

The Only child, he has never been responsible for anybody, apart from himself.

Do you understand where all these challenges are?

So, you need to PAY ATTENTION TO ALL OF THAT.

5. And finally, if you had had broken relationship before; please, YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.

Because if you don’t deal with it, it will affect your Perception of the New Relationship you want to go into.

You will start using the past woman that jilted you, or the past man that jilted you. You start comparing him – to use as a parameter for the next choice you want to make.

… NO! Deal with your pain.

If that person left you, it was for your Good; because if you had married that person, that Person would still leave you, Okay?

So please, deal with your pain, leave it for God.

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode @ The Bethel International School, Gbongan Osun State Nigeria.

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

Red flags are anything you don’t like; anything that comes as negative for you. And you see it happen. Please pay attention to it; don’t ignore them.

For example, one Red Flag I remembered; my grandma was the one that even told me that one: My grandma would say that anybody who is courting you, and comes to visit you at home (where you have relations) and does not come with something (no matter how small). She said, he will be stringy is he marries you.

He can give to your father and mother – it doesn’t matter. But people around you, is he giving to them?

Another Red Flag is somebody who probably is Rude – You saw the way she was talking to her brother. Or she is talking to the father or mother rudely. Very rude! And you think; sebi me am the husband, I will control her.

… It might not work that way!

Those are Red Flags!

Somebody who slaps her younger sister: I remember a brother that was seriously on my case, those years back. And I had not visit him in his house. And on getting to his house, he had sent his younger sister to go and buy bread or something for me.

You know the sister now; and me, I sat down waiting for the bread. Of a truth, the girl went for too long! As in even myself that was the visitor I was thinking like – just to go and buy drink for visitor? So the moment the girl came back…

Obviously, you know young girls, she saw her friend outside, she forgot or whatever, she just got carried away!

Immediately she entered, the brother confronted her: I sent you since to go and buy mineral for my guest. The next thing he did, he gave the sister a SLAP!

And immediately, I remembered! Because that was one of the things my grandma told me: ‘anybody that beats his sister will beat you!’

… Are you seeing the drama? We call them Red Flags!

If he can slap his own sister, he will beat you one day! And that was how…

They didn’t even teach me, before I carried my legs. I just said ‘Thank you!’ Even the drink I couldn’t even drink it because the girl was crying so much: even the drink I could not drink it. Red Flags!

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan Osun State Nigeria.

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit,Gbongan,Osun State, Nigeria

… And I really need us to take note of this, please!

1. Do not really marry because somebody got pregnant for you or because you got pregnant for somebody.

In recent times, the reality of this has come so well. There os a young man, who the sister was sharing with us in a Program where we were recently: they are Born Again, they are Christians.

In fact the Sister was saying that it’s God that wants to deal with him, for fornicating. Because that one time formication ended in the Lady coming to say she was pregnant.

So just once, and the woman came and say she was pregnant. And he, of course being a responsible Brother, he was saying that the Sister said as at that time, she was saying ‘I don’t want to have children out of wedlock’.

He doesn’t love this Girl, they have not prayed together – it’s just an error!

That’s why the Sister kept saying because God wanted to catch you.

He married the woman!

This is ten (10) Years down the line, the Man’s life is shattered and they have DIVORCED.

When she was now telling us, she said: Will it now have been better if he didn’t marry her? Than he marrying and having it on record that he is divorced?

The same child he was trying to protect, that same child is going through the same pain of a “Separated Home!”

Not only that child (because they had another child). So the two (2) children are going to suffer for the mistake he made.

… It’s a long time ago that they used to say, she’s pregnant!

I have one of my brothers too that the same story happened to him. He is committing Adultery; he has a Girl in his house that has a child for him. He would say, am not even attracted to her: she’s too dirty, too this!

And he will tell you it’s the family that said because she was pregnant, he needed to marry her.

A mistake does not mean that you should continue to make mistakes.

And you see that pregnancy; whether it was a mistake by you or whoever; it was not God’s mistake!

God wanted that child to come, so you don’t try to correct a mistake by making more mistakes.

And I think that’s one place, especially for Pastors. They now cover up! That’s even the bad part.

Because the Lady is pregnant, they quickly come to Church, and do wedding. And some of us are suspicious, why the rush?

One of my girls asked me recently (there was a Wedding like that): Pastor, Mummy, was it not in April that we went for Pastor so, so Wedding? The wife’s stomach is like this…. I said, are you measuring her stomach? (Laughter!)

A young Girl; although they will then tell us it’s premature Baby – We have heard!

But who will suffer it, is it me? – You don’t need it!

I have a couple that came to me years ago. I will never forget those couple (elderly couple) – husband and wife. The son said all his life (the son is about thirty five (35) Years old). The son said all is life, he has always seen his parent fight – All his life!

And so when he heard about me, he decides that – I think you people need to come and meet this woman!

The day they came, it was the wife that entered first. When she entered, she went out, the husband entered. She then followed him and said, ‘you see your life, it’s your child’s age mate that we are now coming to meet’. That was what she said!

The man was telling me sorry, for bringing problem to me. I told him, no problem.

And of course, that was the way it was! I had to tell the Holy Spirit, please give me wisdom. Holy Spirit something is wrong!

They started fighting in my office there, they were exchanging words, they were abusing themselves (elderly couple). And then at some point I said, I need to know how you people met.

How did you even meet, that you decided, you are the one that wants to marry this?

Then both of them were silent; you talk!

And that was how the history came out: they were both Leaders!

The woman was the Head of Choir, she said she was Evangelist Bola Are’s friend. As in they were singing together, and Ministering.

She said the Ministry that God gave to her, it was supposed to be bigger, if not more than Mama Bola Are.

Immediately she said it, you know what the man said? He was CAC inclined and a young Pastor who just started Ministry. He said by now, he would have been a Big Known Name. He said ‘you are a witch, you truncated my Destiny’.

The woman too said, you are a bad man, you are the one that took my Ministry away from me.

They never talked about it all the Years they were married: They were preparing for their wedding, their wedding was three (3) Months to come. They were buying Aso Ebi, so the man said she should bring some Aso Ebi so that he will give his own family.

The woman went there, the man has gone to work. He was not at home. She waited for him, by the time he came it was late. Ah! It will be too dark for you to be going now. Maybe you should just stay till tomorrow morning. She stayed overnight till the following morning.

One month later, pregnancy! But you know the amazing thing, they didn’t know they were pregnant. That was where the shock was!

They had Prayed, they thought God has forgiven them. So they continued with the plan of the wedding. Three (3) days to their wedding day, the Church said they should go and do a Pregnancy Test.

Three (3) days to their wedding! And they had gone, the Test came out positive. And the Church canceled their wedding. Three (3) days to their wedding!

And that was it! So she just had to pack her bags and pack in to the Guy’s house. They never talked about it again; nobody raised it, nobody talked about it. And they started giving birth to children. They have four (4) in all.

But the children kept saying, all their lives, they see that their parents were always fighting.

Because when you marry somebody because the person is pregnant for you, the bitterness and anger, God will not forgive you – because you are bitter against that person.

So, is it not better you are taking care of your child as a Single Mother?

Take it as a punishment for being careless, and raise that child with Love? And the man being responsible, sending money, or taking the child to your parents.

One of our young Boys who did that recently, that is what his father did for him. He got admission to the University of Ilorin. The same Month a Girl came home to his mother that she is pregnant for him.

Do you know what the father did?

The father sent a message to him that he should come home – that there is an emergency. He got home, the father said, I can’t feed both of you. Sebi you now have a baby? I will take one – if am going to pay school fees for your baby, then you have to fend for yourself.

He was in Unilorin, he has to go and cater for himself. In fact the first one (1) Year he had to defer his admission because he couldn’t raise money. And his father refused to give him money because he has started paying Antenatal for the Girl he impregnated.

… Pregnancy is not synonymous to Marriage!

1. Another one, Pressure of Age!

There was a young Girl who was talking to me recently, and she said, eh, I want to get married.

And I said, how old are you? She said twenty six (26) Years – you know that at that age I should the married.

At twenty six (26)? She said, you know that is what the society believes:

If you are twenty six (26) Years old and you are not married, there is a problem? – The pressure of Age!

Who says? I know it’s peculiar to us the Yorubas.

A typical Ibo Guy, forty (40) something, you’ll see them single. He is hustling – that is what they say.

Let us not be put under Pressure, especially the Pressure of Age. God has different Timetable for everyone of us.

So somebody married at the age of twenty one (21), does not mean compulsorily you too you have to marry at age twenty one (21) – If your own is thirty (30) or thirty five (35); so be it!

Ah! By the time I’m thirty five (35) Years old; they will say am too old.

Who says?

I still remember one of my mum’s friends. As in saying my mum’s friend, which means I was matured then ( I was in secondary school) before that Aunty got married; and she still got married, and we still went for her wedding – Who says!

Recently, we heard this woman sixty (6O) Years old; Bukola Osagie Claire – Sixty (60) years old.

Although she was a widow; she has been married and her husband died and left her with children. You will even probably will know her – those of you who know Music very well. Simi’s mother! Simi, that girl, that Musician. Her Mother just got married at sixty (60).

So who is talking about age and marriage? If God has told you you will get married, then so be it!

1. Another one; The Quest to leave the house:

My father is wicked, I need to get out of this house. So the first man that comes, you jump and follow.

1. Religion, Revelation of Prophecies;

Thank you Pastor (because he spoke excessively on that). And he told, you are the first Prophet after Jesus who is seeing something for you. They see things for you, when wahala starts, they will back out!

One of my friends, that is her own situation: her Pastor encourage them, pushed them (she was quite young). The man was the head of choir. They pushed them, and they did the wedding – You are compatible, God brought you together.

Years down the line when their problems started. Ten (10) time, by the time they were going for a divorce, the Pastor that said it on the Altar; came out Publicly on the Altar and said Bro Lagbaja and Sister Lagbaja are going for a Divorce. So they are dismembered from the Church. We don’t want anybody to have anything to do with them again!.

The Lady was talking to me, she was crying. She said, can you imagine? And they were the one that were pushing her into the Marriage. When the trouble got there, they didn’t stand by her.

1. Threats and Blackmail: in fact, me I don’t even use to talk more about that one.

The one I talk about is Pity: You see you Sister that pities a brother: ‘I just feel for him, I pity his condition – the way he talks!’

Ah! You pity and marry somebody? You use pity and marry somebody? Please no pity; be sure and be clear. No sentiments!

1. Some people marry because of Joblessness – Financial Security. So that somebody else could help them.
2. Some people marry because they want to give their parents grandchildren – So that my Mother will see and dance with her grandchild.

Is your Mother and your own Destiny the same? If you her a grandchild, and she sees and dances with the grandchild, abi? And she finally now dies. And you now continue a Marriage of hell.

I don’t know, maybe some of you do not know some of these things ongoing now. But so you know that Domestic Violence Rate has changed? – Most of the records we have now, is women beating their men. Yes!

Recently, they created this Team where women are trained. A man told me, not quite long, you won’t believe it, but my wife is beating me.

1. Some people get married because that is the next Agenda after School.

… Now that you are done with School, so what next? – Marriage!

Ah! When some other people are making great things with their lives.

1. Some people go all out to get married, because somebody offered to take them Abroad.

There is a Guy Abroad who is looking for a wife. And you, you are available – Opportunity! American here I come!

I’m sure I said something: America is not Heaven – You need to get there once.

Maybe when you get there, the excitement will die off. And you will realise Nigeria is better!

America is not Heaven! They use it to deceive us and the Glamour are all lies. They have slums, they have villages, they have poor people, they are poor, they cannot eat. They have beggars, and when many of our people get there, they become beggars.

And unfortunately, somebody marries you and take you there, the person is in control. He will seize your Passport. He will flog you and beat you. And there is nothing you can do. Because you are an illegal Immigrant.

1. Some people get married, because everybody is getting married – All my friends have gotten married.

Ok, anyway these are the CORE THINGS you should consider to now choose.

So if you want to choose, we are talking about – doing any of these Reasons, DON’T get married.

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode @ Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State Nigeria.

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!