Month: September 2019

DR TIMI OYEBODE

One of the current trending things in the Society nowadays is Drug and Substance Abuse among School Children (Youths and Teenagers) through the usage of a substance called SOKUDAYE.

Sokudaye is an intake of herbal mixture capable of sending children to early grave. This the Lagos State House of Assembly has even kicked against its usage as well as call for the stoppage of its Production with immediate effect.

Intake of harmful substances among Youths has been described as disruptive and capable of sending them to their grave.

The substances which have been discovered to be more prevalent among Primary and Secondary School students are said to be reasons for various criminal activities and vices among Youths and Teenagers.

Under the influence of this substance for instance, these Youths and children practice all sorts of vices including, rape, gambling, killing, robbery, ritualism among others.

Sokudaye is one of the local herbs sold at motors parks, garages among others.

Investigations revealed that the effect of Sokudaye on Youths and children is fast becoming dangerous not only to them but the entire Country as a whole.

Speaking on the effect of Sokudaye on children and Youths, the CEO/ Head Counsellor, Attitude Development International, ADI, Dr Timi Oyebode explained that: “Drinking of harmful substances by school children and Youth is a Sign of the level of Emotional Pain and struggle many of our young ones are going through.

The facts remain that addiction of any sort is traceable to trauma (an inner wound/pain).

Most times people use different means to suppress their trauma/inner pains, including these children.

Trauma is “Inner Pain or Wound” that buries itself deep in our consciousness.

Often times, it is a tragedy too heavy for the mind to bear: For instance Sex-too-early, Sudden death of a parent or close family or friend, Accident, Violence, Betrayal, Neglect, Abuse, Pain, Violation, Failure and many more others.

Unfortunately many of these children had experienced one or more of such traumatizing situation without getting appropriate Emotional Support and Counselling to help them handle the pains caused by these experiences.

And since the pain is there, they just have to look for a means to suppress it and that is where drugs and other harmful substances come handy as they give momentarily relieve from these inner pain.

Sadly, it means as a Nation we are breeding a generation of emotionally injured Youths and children. This as well infers, having adults who are emotionally unbalanced and dependent on substances or what may be, for Emotional Support.

The total man is a rounded Physical, Spiritual and Emotional being and once a part is injured; the other parts are at risk too.

Sadly however, many parents do not know the Emotional Status of their children, teachers are not informed too and the Government seems to focus only on academics.

SOLUTIONS AT SIGHT

To help these children and our Nation at large, we need to become deliberate about meeting the Emotional Needs and these children and Youths:

1. Parents should show love and be Emotionally available to their children.
2. Teachers should go beyond classroom work to identify and be supportive of children who are struggling or seems to be unhappy.
3. Government should put up Emotional Support Systems in Schools and Communities like Counselling Centres; Carry out Drug and Substances Abuse Awareness Campaigns and as well as Promoting Extra Curriculum Activities for these children and Youths.
4. Religious and Motivational Leaders should also be involved to engage these Young Ones and help raise a balanced adult at the end of the day.
5. The Legislative Arms of Government should enact Laws that should be stringent to curb consumption and sales of these harmful substances especially when it comes to selling to Youths and children.
6. We should not allow children and teenagers to have access to these dangerous substances.

What the Products are being used for is different from what the Producers intend them for.

7. We have to immediately find a way to stop Primary and Secondary Schools children from abusing the drugs by reaching out to the necessary Departments in the State Ministry to assist with the Campaign for this.

The Ministries of Information, Health and Education should embark on an Awareness Campaign on these Products.

Market women and men, as well as Transport Workers, should embark on a Campaign against these Products as well.

On its own, it has been discovered that ‘Sokudaye was not a Product but Chemical.

When this Product was taken to the Laboratory, it was discovered that, it is a Chemical used for Embalmment and that the instruction on the bottle stated that it should not be inhaled.

“Sokudaye is from chlorophyll.

It has the capacity to destroy the Central Nervous System that destroys the kidney – This might be the cause of constant kidney problem in many of these children and Youths.

As a Product therefore, the Government should immediately banned the Product.

The Public Generally is hereby advised to be wary and aware of the consequences of the consumption of these substances.

… Culled from the Session of Dr Timi Oyebode with the Vanguard Newspaper.

You can get to have Dr Timi in your midst by talking to us!

REPORTS BY DISCOVERY MEDIA CREW

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

And I will quickly answer that question with two (2) Real Life examples

I have:I have a Sister who had explained ( that is a Sister in the Lord – a Friend!) Who had been a friend with this Brother for a long time (they were just friends); but he didn’t Propose, he didn’t say anything.

… They are good friends! Very good friends: in fact many people were already (you understand)? You know those kind of friendships that even they themselves will say: oh, there is nothing! But every other person is saying, ‘there is something!’

So one day, this Sister said, after a while she just got so frustrated. She had called him, and they were together in her house (I don’t know what she said they were doing). But she had looked at him and said – “eeh, so we are getting married in December!” – December 14th!

And that was how they started planning for Wedding: so even if you ask the husband, they will tell you ‘Nobody Proposed’. As in, she was just the one that picked a date, and then …

If you ask her till tomorrow, she will tell you that if she didn’t do that, that they would have still been on Friendship Level, till forever!

… Because probably, the guy does not have what it takes to Propose!

Am going somewhere! That’s one abi? And they are living well, they are fine. They have shared their story many times; they use it to tell people that sometimes, if you have been in a relationship…

Did you see that? They were Friends! Not that from the beginning, the Lady walked up to him to say, ‘I Like you’. There was a Friendship!

Because I keep explaining that there is a place in which a Lady can actually push the guy; because actually, some guys are highly pragmatic – meaning that, they don’t have what it takes!

In fact, I remember my immediate younger brother; we used to joke (when he was younger) that when he would marry, that we are sure it’s his next brother (as in the one that followed him) that will help him Propose – because he just doesn’t seem to have what it takes!

So there are some guys like that, who truly, truly … And if you happen to be the Lady around that person, it could be a challenge!

Another place where it could also be a challenge is: There are some guys, they have all it takes to talk, they know what they want; but they will not talk. They are Sampling!

And while they are doing the ‘Sampling’ up and down; they are preventing other Brothers from seeing you. Because they are always around you! So the other Brothers wound think: you are ‘Occupied!’ But the Brother has not Proposed.

So, their own type of situation, I tell the Sisters involved in that situations (remember that they are already Friends): the person is already all around you – O ti wa around (Meaning He is around)!

Going to five (5) Months, one (1) Year, two (2) Years, two and half (2½) Years, three (3) Years! – Everybody just know that you are best of friends (that’s what I will say next) Abeg ask him: ‘Bros, what are we doing?’

Now, get me right ooh; am putting a scenario. And that’s why am going to use this second Story to explain it again. Because the reality is this: our Culture stands; our Tradition stands!

In as much as we are revolving; there are some parts of our Tradition and Culture that are not healthy. And over time, we are dropping them.

For example: Where we do widowhood rites, they are not healthy!

And so, many of them in the Eastern part are dropped: circumcision of women have been dropped! And there are so many things, that I want you to know: the Western Culture we want to emulate, it’s not the best ooh. Oh my God!

I need you to know how many times I have been in the US, they will tell me: Timi, when you get back to your people, can you just help tell them: they should maintain the things that they have?

One of the things that we have, that they don’t have, that we have (that’s one of our own Culture); for those of you who are interested in their Culture. They don’t have Communalism;

Mummy was talking to me recently, about what she was supposed to help me send and do. And she was telling: “They said I should not tell you; they don’t know that in our place, we share together.”

If you have a problem, it’s easier for me (when I know that you are a Black man like me) to call you and start finding a way to help you resolve it. ‘Oyibo’ (Whites) don’t do that – it’s mind your business level.

We are highly Communal. One of the first things we do is: We would say – what? Which family do you come from? And before you know it, we will say, Ah! I know somebody who comes from your family.

We are Communal; they are not!

They said, there was a News of a woman who had died; they didn’t know she was dead ten (10) Years: ten (10) years locked up inside the house, she was dead and nobody knew. In fact, her Television was still on (am telling you). It was her skeleton that they saw!

So that we will know that when we are picking Culture, we should not throw away our own totally. Our own has value benefits.

And even in their own Culture, it is not as if women just go and meet a guy and Propose too – They also have boundaries.

It is just sad that when we want to emulate, it is the bad ones that we emulate. We pick the bad ones out of their behaviours – and that is what we want to claim.

Backing that up, is another story; recently a friend of mine told me (this one we went to the University together).

We were both Christian Sisters – we were doing a lot of vibrant Evangelism work for God. Do you understand?

And you knew the Brother too (because we were in Fellowship); we were all in Students’ Fellowship together! Very vibrant Brother, very vibrant Sister. In fact for that Brother, he was even like the President of a Fellowship.

She was their Prayer Coordinator, the Brother was the President. They were 1 and 2; they were just too closed! Later on, there was Wedding Plan, and they got married.

… This should be about, probably nine (9) or ten (10) Years they have been married.

Seven (7) Years ago, she called me when their marriage was about two (2) Years. And she called me; I can never forget that night. That day was her husband’s Birthday. She had posted on Facebook that “The Love of my life.. ”

She had Toasted this man to Heaven! So when she called me in the night, I thought it was still celebration galore. So I was still telling her ‘Congratulations to me Brother, Happy Birthday to him oooh, and all that!’

She said: Oh! ‘That one na Facebook post oooh’.

I said, what do mean?

She said, Ah! We have been ‘Cat and Mouse’ for the past seven (7) Years! She said, she sleeps in the Room, he sleeps in the Living Room.

These people are both Ministers; am talking about Ministers of the Gospel. They still Preach around, they go around as husband and wife! But they are are like not in Good Terms.

In fact, she was explaining to me: She said in the seven (7) Years of our Marriage, if we had sex; maybe like three (3) or four (4) times. And that those times, she can literally say she ‘Raped him’.

You know when a woman said she ‘Raped’ a man; she dragged him, pulled him. And unfortunately for her, anytime she had successfully ‘Raped’ him; she gets pregnant. So she had three (3) children!

And she was telling me practically that it’s possible, that is the only three (3) times they ever had sex in their Marriage.

Ah! What’s going on?

This is a spiritual Brother; you are spiritual Sister. What is it that you people can’t deal with?

Do you know when we asked the Brother, do you know what he said?

1. He said if he had known, he would not have married her. That he thought Spirituality was ENOUGH to marry a Sister!
2. And that he realised that No: ‘Iwa yato si (Behaviour is different from) Spirituality’ – As in; someone who is vibrant for God, is different from character.
3. She was the one that wanted the Marriage. That she was the one that kept saying: we need to get married. When are we getting married? And that finally, he agreed!

Do you know this man said the same thing to her father? ‘Nigbati wahala won po’ (when the cold war was much) and they took themselves to their parents; the parents had to intervene:

The father of the man came, the man said it to his face “Daddy, I told you the last time I was not ready”. Sebi you were the one; sebi you both planned the Wedding? And now we are still wedded. And now, ten (10) Years down, they are still there – Just imagine!

And that man kept saying: ‘you are the one that Proposed to me’. She was the one that wanted the Marriage – I didn’t want it!

Can you see that?

You know when some of us; somebody like me, I still remember the Years I said to my husband (when we were still young in Marriage), and I was hurt because something happened;

And then I will say to him ‘o ri mi koto femi oooh!’ (You saw me before you marry me oh)

You are the one that came and said you wanted to marry me. I sat in my father’s house! In fact, he will say: eh!

Those are part of the Cultural Heritage a woman can get; from when he pursued her. Other than the one that she pursued the man!

There are so many!

What am saying is that we can balance it.

In the Place where we have men who are lackadaisical (who are slow) okay? Already there is a Friendship.

And another way; like one of the Brothers (I cant remember who said it). Somebody said that you can actually tell somebody ‘I like that brother ooh, but he is not showing face’.

Ok, if he is not showing face; other people around know how to go and meet the ‘Bro’. Bro, you did not see that Sister?

Which Sister? – That Sister now!

And somehow it can be worked out! And it can work out well. But at the same time, it will not look as if the woman is the one that went pursuing.

Even if you look at Animal Kingdom: there is a pursuer and there is a receiver. Every animals also have their own pattern. Human beings (especially Africans): ‘awa lafe da gbogbo e ru!’ – we Africans want to turn the whole thing upside down!

Men pursue! The nature of a typical man is to conquer. So when they do not feel that they pursued or they conquered you, they still feel that something is missing; And that’s why the man, after that marriage; will still be looking for something to conquer.

So let him pursue you!

Prove difficult a little bit. Act hard to get; whatever it is, let him know: ‘Ah! Nkan to oju mi ri kin to fe (what my eyes saw before I married her)!

Amen!

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

A young Lady called me from her school recently. She said one Brother was pressurizing her, telling her how much God told him – she was lusting. And she was also feeling it. She was still a student. This man was a Staff of that school. So that means, he is an Adult!

And this is one other thing; I remember Pastor saying something about a thirteen (13) Years old girl. Marriage is not for a child (anyone below the age of eighteen (18) Years).

So you met this girl: she below eighteen (18) Years. You can’t propose to her – it’s an abuse!

Whether you are crazy or sure; whether God had told you she is the one. The fact that she is still below eighteen (18) Years, you must still keep on pushing – and let love and patience prevail.

Otherwise, it’s an abuse. It’s a pure abuse! If Government catches you, you are gone for it: the present day style of Social Work that’s going on.

Because so many of those young girls who will come – Sixty (60) Years old; he wants to marry me. The part of the brain that is used to make decision, is not fully developed yet until you are aged twenty one (21) Years.

And so I say to Young Girls: you can’t even know who is right. Yes! That’s why we have parents and elders.

If you are not yet twenty one (21) Years, you can’t decide. That’s the Truth!

There are some major life decisions that you cannot make. Am not the one, it’s Biology that says it.

See, because of time let me go on; because sincerely if I break it down for you; in fact, we of African origin…

But you see the reality? The reality is that these little children that we are talking about, it is these so called ‘Adults’ that go and meet them.

Yes, if they allow them to be, these young ones will not be focus on what is not necessary. But when you have a thirty two (32) Years old man pursuing a seventeen (17) Years old Girl, giving her close marking: the girl, she gets to school today, she gets Text Message ‘you know I love you’. She gets home, ‘you know am thinking of you’ – Haba! Brother!!!

Praise the Lord!

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

I had a Client in my office during the week. And he was telling me that his Pastor was Preaching and talking about ‘No Sex before Marriage’. And that all of you are supposed to remain pure.

And that as he was saying it, everybody was laughing in the Church, because even he himself knew that that about 75% of them were having sex.

That is a Natural Thing for Marriage now; as in this our Generation – You see. The other one time is your own; this you will do it…

And I don’t know if I mentioned it the other time I was around; there was a day I was on Radio. I was on a Radio Program I was invited to speak. And I was talking about Sex, and all these!

And one man called, a Pastor. He called and he said, I want to talk to that woman; that Pastor (Mrs) or what is she called. ‘That all the thing you are saying is nonsense’; that in this time and age, all the problems they have seen in Church is so much! That he, in his own Church, he teaches and he preaches that they must go and have sex before the Marriage.

He called us on a National Radio. He said that the problem that people will now get married finished, they will now be having problem – they are not compatible. So let them know: Are you compatible or not? Before we go ahead!

… The teaching of the world!

And I said to Him, I said Sir, I don’t have a problem with you ‘Testing’ (whatever it is you want to test before the Marriage) but here it is: When, the problem of sex happens after Marriage, who bears the prompt of it? You are out away with your family and your wife, the couples starts suffering for it.

Let me tell you a recent 2019 Research; the Research says to us ‘that every man that has sex with a woman, drops a DNA of his, into her genetics

And that is why you see that couples who have been together for a long time, and have sex regularly; after a while, you will see that the woman begins to look like the man: You say, Ah, they look alike, they look like brother and sister, abi?

It is because the man keeps depositing; every time his sperm gets in there, his DNA is getting into her.

Now, imagine every single man what woman has slept with!

So if this man Test, and it’s not working; the next one Test, and it’s not working, the next one Test! By the time the final man will pick her, what will she be left with?

It’s a lot of pressure! And this what I keep saying to every single Sister (it’s not only Sisters ooh!) I have had a brother who was crying like a baby. He said the Sister (they were Courting) and everybody has agreed in the Church. They have Prayed about it!

But that the Sister said that she is used to doing sex before and now she is not feeling…; and he kept saying ‘let’s hold on, God will help us’. Let’s hold on!

She pressurized him – in fact the word I could use is that she ‘Raped’ him!

This Brother we crying, when he was talking to me. He said he shared it with his friend. His friend said he must be a fool for saying ‘a woman raped you’ – you should enjoy it!

He felt bad with his body, because his body responded! Because at some point, even when he was trying to say NO, am not doing. The Lady kept on caressing, you know, pushing him, and all that!

So he felt disappointed that his penis got erected; I had to explain to him ‘Biology will always be Biology’.

… And I will explain that to you also!

Biology will be Biology; and so it doesn’t mean that your heart was there! And the Bible tells us: “God looks at the HEART.”

The Heart; the Heart! And that is one of the core things you will see – because the only Place where you feel loved is inside your heart.

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

No problem! One of my Brothers gave us very Powerful example of this Alhaji and his wife that have been living together in peace, abi?

Even, we have a popular one now; Tinubu and his wife, Remi Tinubu. She’s a Senior Pastor in RCCG, we know! And Tinubu is what? (You don’t know Tinubu again?) – Jagaban! Ahmed Tinubu, that’s his name.

Even, do you know that former Lagos State Governor (Babatunde Raji Fashola) is a Muslim. The wife attends Daystar Christian Centre. Yes! – That’s Revd. Sam Adeyemi’s Church.

… So we have them as example;

But I will tell you something: you don’t know them, you are not close to them. Some of them have been privileged to work closely with these people – Come and see their tears!

You see, the point of marriage is that..; it is not Love that keeps a Marriage ooh! This one that we are talking about Love today, me I always laugh when we talk about Love.

Because I tell you, three (3) Years at most (Psychologically I can prove it!) Three (3) Years, at most! For some people it’s one (1) Week. And some, one (1) Month; their eyes have cleared – as in the Love has disappeared, after the Marriage.

The one that last the most is three (3) Years. It has been proven repeatedly; they call it the ‘Honeymoon Phase!’

At that Phase you are still feeling all the Gish, Gish!

After that Phase; because the next Phase we call it ‘Reality Phase!’

From three (3) Years to seven (7) Years; it’s Ok, so I have entered this thing. So this man will not change? So this woman will not change?

From seven (7) Years to twelve (12) Years; we call it the ‘Decision Stage’. Usually that time, people now make decision: whether they want to continue that Marriage or to leave.

And that is why you see a lot of Marriages break up between seven (7) Years, eight (8) Years.

And you will be saying, they have stayed together for ten (10) Years! It is because at that stage, some people now think: Will I be doing this for the next fifty (50) Years of my life?

Go and see those Marriages to people who are not the same Faith, they are not happy!

One of the ways that you pick it out first, is the children: the children begin to struggle about which Religion to belong to.

They don’t know whether they should do daddy’s Religion; they should do mummy’s Religion.

The one that struggles and fight and probably do mummy’s own – he will be one leg in, one leg out!

Am telling you; go and look at them very well. Go and check it out! Go and check it out. So, they will have to struggle in that area.

No 2 Area where they will have struggle, is Values. And remember I told you, ‘Love is not what keeps a Marriage’. what keeps a Marriage is Values!

In fact I usually say this: that the only thing that makes Marriage to last till old age, as in when you see old elderly couples – the only thing that keeping them at that time is their Faith and Belief.

For example, the early morning Bells of those Anglican days; they say they are going to Early Morning Prayer together. Evening Prayer together! The only thing that they discuss at that time is their Faith.

… What keeps couples; what old couples can have in common most of the times is their Faith!

So when you have different Faith, what do you discuss when you are old?

So leave all this Spirituality, let us be real and Practical.

When the Bible was saying “be not unequally yoked with unbelievers:” it’s not because of whether you will make Heaven or not. It does not determine whether you will make Heaven or not; Whether you are married to a Muslim or not! – It’s the pain of disagreement you will encounter!

Recently I was sharing; first time in my life I went to a Muslim Naming Ceremony. You should know why already! Because we have a Brother whose father is an Alfa; he is a Christian, he got Born Again, he married a Christian Lady. Abi?

But you know my Brother there was saying it, that you don’t marry an individual, you marry family, especially in Yoruba. And in the Islamic Religion, when you have a Baby, who names the Baby?

In fact, it is the grandfather that must name the child. And the father is an Alfa (Muslim Clergy); and he brought all his Muslim people. They came into our compound. All of us that were neighbours too, we came out. Abi?

The husband, that is the father of the child did not come out. Because he was trying to prove that, me am not a Muslim, you know. But the wife had to come out. Because she is a mother!

They scrape the Baby’s hair (you know how Muslim do their own); they went with the hair! – That is how they do it as It is their culture.

And you know, this is why we ask people to consider very well before you take that step.

Nobody is saying that Love should not shack you! Love is shacking you; but please wear google – So that you can see beyond NOW, Please!

Extracts from The Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

The fact that you are beside someone (as a man) you will even feel erection – just because of the way you feel for that person. That is to tell you that you are living.

And this is one of the things I usually tell people; when they ask me about Marital Compatibilities, Sexual compatibility: I say, you are interested in a Sister, all the time your interest: you have been praying (you have been praying, you have been doing everything) – okay?

In the way of the Lord, in Goodness! But all through, there was no day you felt… (you don’t have to touch her). You know, like Pastor was saying it, that by seeing alone!

You didn’t feel any erection, you didn’t FEEL … (Ah, there is problem)! Because Love and Affection; there is a part of it that Naturally, you will FEEL it.

So, it’s Self control that is holding you. Not that you did not feel it!

… Do you understand what am saying?

Not that you did not feel it. So if all the while you don’t feel it – Abeg let us sit down and rearrange. Because one of the things that will help you is – Attraction to that person!

A man was married and was telling me: Actually, she is not my kind of woman.

Ok Sir, tell me your kind of woman? Eh, the one that has hips and boost. And you went to marry a Lepa! Because there is a place of Physical Attraction.

That is why we have the Biological.

The Chemical, is the Emotions (2ce). And the emotion part means there must be an alignment between you and this person!

Your Spirit will draw you to that Person. That is why the person will be at the front.

Peradventure it’s my Brother now, I don’t know if the Sister that is eyeing him is here! But as he is here. And the Sister is at the back, unspoken communication will be going on.

… Do you understand what am saying? Please loosen up now; you are acting too serous. (Laughter)

That must also be there! If that is not there, it’s also a Red Alert.

And of course, the Mental Part! The Mental part is the part where we say ‘Love is a decision’.

You DECIDE to love this person. And when you decide, you say ‘I choose to Love you, WHATEVER it may be, I choose!

And then, when I make that decision, the decision means that I stand by you. It’s not a feeling I fall into. Because if you fall into it, you will fall out of it – Like daddy told us. You fall out!

But when you DECIDE, it’s the decision that makes you say ok, even though I have seen the weaknesses of this person, but I still choose to Love this person – That’s decision!

It’s decision that makes you see the errors and mistakes of the person and you say, because I choose to love you (nitori no feran re ni ooo)!

Or it doesn’t happen that way? It’s because I Love you ooooh!

That’s what decision can do; when it’s not just feeling.

When it is Feeling, the moment that person hurts you, the love will FLY out!

Praise the LORD!

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode @ Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan Osun State Nigeria.

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit,Gbongan,Osun State, Nigeria

Being Single is not a disease; being Single is not a crime. Jesus was Single, we had many Apostles who were Single.

Unfortunately many of us don’t use it well. In the bid that ‘I need to marry (2ce)!’ We forget that, that stage itself, has it’s own virtues.

For example, there is one of my Mentees?(Protégés). Every time she will come and cry to me: Ma, and I would love to follow you. The last time you went to Kano I wanted to follow you. The last time when you went to Abuja and I wanted to follow you.

And the Ticket is free; it’s available! But the thing is, she is married, she has a child, she is still young! (Is she up to twenty five 25?) She is around twenty five (25) Years.

She herself will be saying, that if I was still single (repeatedly).

Can you see? You can’t reverse that! Those are the things that you miss. And some of us, we are still Single, you are not using it!

I used to tell people, my Single age; my husband met me in Ministry (in Campus). Use your singleness well – Get busy; the man, the woman will come. The way they will join you, it will align so well.

But because you are busy first, understand it, this time is limited. Because Singleness is limited, do you know? Worse case, by twenty five (25) to thirty (30); you will be married; maybe for about fifty (50) or sixty (60) Years of your life – It depends on how long you will live.

So you have limited time to be Single, to do serious things for yourself.

We were talking in the car when we were coming, we were talking about our Brother: as a single man had bought a land and built a house, as a single man. Now he got married. Of course, Marriage comes with its own challenges.

Thank God he has has built a house! That is what we were saying in the car. Because now he has some challenges, but he has built a house. But he achieved that when he was single.

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode @ Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan Osun State Nigeria.

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit,Gbongan,Osun State, Nigeria

THESE ARE THE THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE MARRIAGE:

1. YOUR SELF AWARENESS: How well do you know yourself? – You first,

As Pastor talked the other time, I heard him saying: so that you marry the Right person. You don’t marry the Right person, you be the Right person!

Who are you? Because you will attract your kind: if you are a deceiver, you see two (2) persons, the woman or man you marry will be deceitful..

Who are you? – Know yourself, know your Personality.

There is something Core in the Place of Understanding Personality Style in Marriage – If you understand your spouse’s temperament, it will save you a lot of headache.

You will even know if you can marry that person or not. Unlike poles attract! You find a Melancholic person who becomes interested in. Sanguine.

Melancholic people are very calm. They will be in this Meeting, as we are talking since morning, they will not say a word.. And then they are looking at, maybe my Sister that led Praise and Worship.

Because she seems to be very lively, she seems to be a Sanguine, abi? And then Brother that is calm and sitting down says: I like this Sister, she is bold, brave, courageous, and everything!

You now marry finish; let me tell you where the problem now starts: the same brave and boldness he say,; it’s the first problem. Maybe they are in an Outing like this, then she jumps out, and the Husband says, seat down, keep quite! That is where it starts (laugher).

But sincerely, that’s what happens. Because the same thing that attracted you: ‘I love the way she talks, I love her confidence – that’s the first thing! Because you are calm, you are calculative, you are gentle. It’s like ah, you are supposed to be calmed here.

She is not wired to be calmed! And you see, that is why we keep saying…!

For the Lady too, who was attracted to this too. Because you will be attracted to your opposite!, naturally. You will like the fact that somebody can be here, since, and not say anything: ‘This person dey try ooh!’ Because you know you are not like that.

… So you will be like, sometimes, I will learn to keep quiet like this.

But sometimes, that keeping quite will get you offset too: ‘I am talking to you since’. So you sieve these things! And that is why we keep saying that you need to know; because Knowledge is Power!

You need to know your spouse’s temperament. Know your own first. And it is available online now. Many of us have phones.

… Just Google it “Temperament Test”.

Take your own Personality Text, Temperament Test: Know your own Test. So that when you meet a sister you are attracted to, please tell her to also take a Temperament Test – so that you will know her temperament – Okay?

1. Another thing that you need to know before choosing is THE VALUES – The BELIEF SYSTEMS and the PURPOSE of that Person.

… The VALUES, BELIEF Systems and the PURPOSE of that person.

That is why a Sister who has a Value that: ‘No Sex before marriage’, is meeting a Brother who says ‘we can do it, sebi you and I have already agreed that we will marry – So we can do It.’

That means your VALUES are not the same.!

And the fact that your Values are not the same, it means that you will have problems later.

Do you know the problem will be?

You will believe that ‘since am married to this man, I should be Faithful.

His believe will be that: I can cheat now? God will still forgive me.

Can you see?

And you will believe, sebi we made a Covenant of Marriage? – Your Values are different!

Let that person go and make the same Covenant with somebody that has a similar Values; if you do not have that Value. Pease Values are important!

Including maybe someone who doesn’t see a big deal in small lie and you, you see a big deal in small lie.

Somebody who doesn’t see a big deal in going Late to a Program; you, you see a big deal in going late!

… All those small, small things; we call it VALUES. If your Values are not the same, you will have challenges later on!

1. COMPATIBILITY – IQ Compatibility!

You are a Graduate, you are going to get married to somebody who has not gone to School? You will have challenges. You will have challenges!

And that is why we now have this Drama of Presidents’ Wives that we are talking about: After they have become Big Boss in their Places of Organization: because they are learned, and in the Organization they keep Promoting them.

And the wives that they married, is a woman that is just School Certificate. At the end of the day, they will have to look for a woman that can fit into the category of Place they will be calling them for!

Another Reason with IQ is that, so that when you sit down and you are jesting; you want a Companion to gist with!

I can imagine daddy and mummy are talking now, and they are discussing in the house – about Intellectual Things. You can imagine the flow that will go! Because both of them are Intellectuals!

… Do you get my Point now?

So imagine if it is only daddy that is an Intellectual: he will get frustrated because she won’t understand most of the things – maybe Biblical arguments, or the things that he is talking about! – They will be lost!

And that is where trouble will start; that is where the man will find his Secretary, who is an Intellectual like him: and then they start robbing minds on Politics, robbing minds on this! And then in that way…

IQ is important! If you like somebody, or God has told you that person is your spouse. And the Person is not learned like you – the next thing you should do, is make the Person get to Academics or whatever part.

You need to bring up the Person, if not you will have challenges later on.

EMOTIONAL: Social compatibility is also important! Take note of that.

You come from a family where the are loving; you are just daddy, mummy and their children! The other person comes from a family of daddy and fifteen (15) women! – There will be challenges, okay?

You coming from, the kind of person that….

1. You should also pay attention to the FAMILY AND FRIENDS of that person.

You should also check out the past relationship that, that person has had.

Some of us Christians make this mistake of “…Old things have passed away, behold all things have become New”.

… It is SIN that passed away (in the Spiritual realm) not the History of the Person – The History of the Person is still there!

Someone tells you, “a woman gave birth for me, when I was a Teenager”. And he is saying you should marry him. He has a child, and that child is alive! And he is telling you as if ‘you should not marry, it does not matter’.

It MATTERS; you need to know all of these things. And check out about the woman because the Yorubas have a saying: “the one that has a child for someone is no longer a concubine”. She’s the first wife, okay?

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode @ The Bethel lInstitute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan Osun State Nigeria.

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan,Osun State, Nigeria

1. There is no HEAVEN MADE SPOUSE: I think we all know that!

There is no one that is made for me from Heaven because I have miss him, I have missed forever – It’s a LIE. Nothing like that, okay?

2. You should have HEALTH PROFILE done: I don’t know how much of emphasis that is made in this side. But over there (Abroad) it’s a big deal.

Anybody you want to marry, you need to know your Genotype.

I still told someone last week to go and do his Genotype and give me a feedback.

You need to know your Genotype: AS and AS should not marry themselves. AS and SS should not marry.

… So, let’s not over FAITH that part! Go and know it; if you know it and now decide to still marry yourselves;

Sebi, it’s with full knowledge; okay? So, know your Health Profile.

3. Know the FINANCIAL CAPACITY of that person, especially the DEBTS that person has. – All the debts that person owes.

You need to know because when you are married, you will inherit it together.

You need to know how he handles money before: Is this person always asking for money? Always demanding for everything? Because the same approach, you will see after.

A Marital case am handling right now; their own issue was that the husband said he had gone to meet her (when they were courting) that she should lend him some money. So the woman had loaned him fifty thousand Naira (N50,000).

And the wife said, after some months, she had an emergency at home – her younger brother needed to pay some money. And so she turned to her Fiance who borrowed money from her (it was borrow you said, not that I should give you!)

So she had turned to the Fiancée, please the money I lend you, please can you return it?

Do you know that man didn’t forget? That is what the man is using against her in the marriage right now.

… But you gave me money, you collected it back. That was then!

The attitude of the person to money is important. You need to know, Okay?

4. And of course, you need to know the PARENTAL STYLE the person has:

How does this person behave to children? Is this person a lenient person? Is this person a friendly person?

You need to know the Personal Dreams and Accomplishments this Person has.

Is he somebody who desire to become a Professor? And you, you just want to be a Pastor. And you are saying, NO, you have to submit.

You need to know first; and if you can fit in. Because if you can’t fit that person’s desire, you will become a witch or a wizard (if he’s a man). Okay?

So what are we saying?

Of course, you must have INNER WITNESS: There should be something calling to the Deep within you and that person, to know that : this is my spouse; this is somebody I can marry. Or this is someone I shouldn’t even go near to!

And of course (this is the last thing I have here) the last thing for that is KNOW THE BIRTH ORDER of that person;

Birth Order means, what is the position of that person’s birth.

Is the person the first born, a second born or the third born?

Birth Order has a lot to do with our behaviours: the firstborn is Programmed to behave in a very responsible way.

The last child is Programmed to behave in a? You understand (Laugher)!

And now you are the firstborn, you are going to marry a last born. You should know already!

But some of us act as if it doesn’t matter – It does matters!

Or you are the firstborn and you are going to marry an ONLY child.

The way an Only child sees things is different: later you will come with your own brothers and and sisters. And they will say they need this.

The Only child, he has never been responsible for anybody, apart from himself.

Do you understand where all these challenges are?

So, you need to PAY ATTENTION TO ALL OF THAT.

5. And finally, if you had had broken relationship before; please, YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.

Because if you don’t deal with it, it will affect your Perception of the New Relationship you want to go into.

You will start using the past woman that jilted you, or the past man that jilted you. You start comparing him – to use as a parameter for the next choice you want to make.

… NO! Deal with your pain.

If that person left you, it was for your Good; because if you had married that person, that Person would still leave you, Okay?

So please, deal with your pain, leave it for God.

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode @ The Bethel International School, Gbongan Osun State Nigeria.

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!

Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan, Osun State, Nigeria

Red flags are anything you don’t like; anything that comes as negative for you. And you see it happen. Please pay attention to it; don’t ignore them.

For example, one Red Flag I remembered; my grandma was the one that even told me that one: My grandma would say that anybody who is courting you, and comes to visit you at home (where you have relations) and does not come with something (no matter how small). She said, he will be stringy is he marries you.

He can give to your father and mother – it doesn’t matter. But people around you, is he giving to them?

Another Red Flag is somebody who probably is Rude – You saw the way she was talking to her brother. Or she is talking to the father or mother rudely. Very rude! And you think; sebi me am the husband, I will control her.

… It might not work that way!

Those are Red Flags!

Somebody who slaps her younger sister: I remember a brother that was seriously on my case, those years back. And I had not visit him in his house. And on getting to his house, he had sent his younger sister to go and buy bread or something for me.

You know the sister now; and me, I sat down waiting for the bread. Of a truth, the girl went for too long! As in even myself that was the visitor I was thinking like – just to go and buy drink for visitor? So the moment the girl came back…

Obviously, you know young girls, she saw her friend outside, she forgot or whatever, she just got carried away!

Immediately she entered, the brother confronted her: I sent you since to go and buy mineral for my guest. The next thing he did, he gave the sister a SLAP!

And immediately, I remembered! Because that was one of the things my grandma told me: ‘anybody that beats his sister will beat you!’

… Are you seeing the drama? We call them Red Flags!

If he can slap his own sister, he will beat you one day! And that was how…

They didn’t even teach me, before I carried my legs. I just said ‘Thank you!’ Even the drink I couldn’t even drink it because the girl was crying so much: even the drink I could not drink it. Red Flags!

Extracts from the Counselling Session With Dr Timi Oyebode At Bethel Institute of Biblical Research Singles Summit, Gbongan Osun State Nigeria.

… You can have Dr Timi in your location – Just talk to us!